Monday, January 29, 2007

…and then it was Monday

I finished the baby blanket last night. And one and a half infant socks, which really are like instant gratification. I also finished two hats and ran in the ends on the preemie sweater:

Preemie Goodies

This weekend went by altogether too fast. Like, {blink!} HEY! Whaddya mean it’s over?!?!

And then? It was Monday. I had to get back to Real Life again. So I did, and then things happened, and suddenly I’m looking at the clock saying, “Dang, it’s quitting time!”

Suddenly, it’s almost Tuesday. And there’s an all day offsite meeting tomorrow.

All.
Day.

I’m trying to convince myself that I can knit through the meeting without being noticed. This is rather unlikely due to the fact that a) we’re a tiny company of about twenty souls, so it’s kind of hard to find a quiet nook in the back of the room and vanish and b) we’re a tight-knit (ha!) group with a broad interest base and, erm, inquisitive natures, ergo somebody sitting there knitting might as well be reprogramming an Oracle box using their Treo – it will be noticed and nobody is shy about shouting, “Hey! Something interesting!! Whatcha doing, huh?! Explain! In detail! With charts and graphs!!”

So, I’m also coming up with arguments in case anybody wants to get up in my peanut butter about the fact that I am knitting while they’re blathering on about our Noble and Lofty Company Goals. They go something like this:

First line of defense: It’s a matter of fact:

I can knit and listen more easily than I can sit and listen. This is a documented fact – if I’m just sitting there and you’re talking, I assure you that even if I’m nodding and going ‘uh-huh, uh-huh’, I’m not listening. I’m thinking about what I could be doing with my time while you’re talking, but just sitting there, while you talk? Wastes. Productivity.

Second line of defense: Do you really want to snatch warmth away from babies?

I am making things like booties, sweaters, hats and blankies for Helpless Tiny Hospitalized Children Who Need Such Things Desperately. What kind of heartless monster are you, anyway, to ask me to sit there with my hands uselessly fidgeting in my lap, when I could be making warm, snuggly things for disadvantaged babies?! SHAME ON YOU!!! (I am also working on my ‘withering gaze’ and ‘mournful eyes’, but it isn’t going well – I keep looking like I’ve got a bad case of indigestion.)

Third line of defense: Fear my rapier wit – FEAR IT, I SAY!

If you take away my knitting I may feel impelled to make wiseass remarks all through your presentation. I will have nowhere else to channel my energies. And I will be angry, so my remarks may be particularly cutting. I will point out the fact that your socks do not go with your pants; if anybody loved you at all, maybe they’d knit you some that did OH WAIT! You’re against that whole knitting-thing…

(I’ll be putting my resume up on DICE soon…)

And that will be Tuesday, and then it will be Wednesday.

But wait! In a stroke of sheer oddness, I am taking Wednesday and Thursday off this week. I’m not going anywhere or doing anything, either. I’m just taking two days of vacation in the middle of the week. Because I can, because I have over three weeks of accrued vacation, people.

That’s right. I’m taking two days off because I can. And also I need to take some days off, or I might just jump off a bridge. Not on purpose, mind you. It’ll be a matter of extreme inattention to detail. “…mutter, mutter, left at the next corner…SPLASH!”

…who the hell put that big orange bridge there?!?!

I’ve toyed with Doing Something, but honestly…I don’t wanna. I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything, really. I want to have absolute freedom on my days off. I want to be able to stay home watching bad television, or suddenly jump into the car and go on a safari through the wilderness of Central California.

I refuse to make actual plans. My plan is to not have a plan. Since the rest of my life tends to be highly scheduled and goal-oriented, I’m looking forward to two days of skulking around pretending I’m not here. What? Dinner? I dunno, honey, I’m on vacation. {Evil laughter}

And then it will be Friday.

Which will be an utterly useless day and honestly, I do not know why I didn’t take it off, too. I mean, there is this One Thing that I really need to do because I’m the only person who has the knowledge-expertise to do it without bollixing it up beyond all reason. I can either spend a few hours doing it myself, or spend a few days undoing the mayhem caused by someone else trying to do it.

And then another weekend will whip past me so fast it takes another inch off my hair and then?

It will be Monday again.

2 comments:

PipneyJane said...

< Homer Simpson voice >Mmmm.... Holidays. < / Homer Simpson voice >

I'm with you every step of the way. I've got Wednesday to Friday off for an RPG convention (my first, after years of DH trying to persuade me to go) and then Monday off to recover from the Superbowl (which'll finish at 3am or thereabouts our time).

DH and his friends are trying to persuade me to run a session at the convention "Knit One Pearl Two". They reckon I'll have people asking me to teach them to knit.

- Pam (we'll see)

Renee said...

Wow. So now I know who it is who's making time go by so quickly. It's you. Stop it! I'm gonna be 102 if you keep, you know, blinking.