Thursday, February 23, 2006

Science v. Religion

I often hear religious pundits lamenting how science is destroying religion. “Our faith in God,” they shriek. “Is being destroyed by all this scientific reasoning!”

I have proof that they are wrong. Dead wrong.

I used a branch of the sciences called “math” this morning, and it has deepened my relationship with the Almighty. This math went something like this:

It takes me 15 minutes to knit a round on this confounded sweater. I get approximately 0.3 centimeters per round, and need to get 19 more centimeters before I begin the neck shaping. Ergo, I have approximately 63 more rounds before I even get to the neck, or 15.75 hours of knitting.

I then have 35 rounds to do the neck shaping and shoulders, another 8.75 hours of knitting, for a total of 24.5 hours before I finish the body.

It was at this point that science began to encourage religion, as I muttered, “Oh. My. GOD!”

Undaunted, I moved on. Let’s see. Sleeves, half the stitches and decreasing steadily but with the added challenge of having to pick them up and keep track of decreases plus a repeat of the more difficult spiral pattern at the cuff, we’ll call it 7 minutes per round, 112 rounds, divide by 60 blah blah blah, I’ve got 13 hours per sleeve and I need {pauses to count own arms} two. That’s 26 more hours.

Then we have the finishing of the neck in rib, another 1.5 hours. And then there’s the cutting of the steaks, the seaming, stitching, darning and damning of the finished sweater and I’m looking at roughly 55 hours left to go on this project.

My religious leanings are becoming downright fanatical at this point.

Checking my calendar, I note that I have today, tomorrow, Saturday and half of Sunday. And damn it, I’m supposed to work today and tomorrow. Today I’m working from home, which ironically is worse for my having time to knit – I’ve got to do all the kid stuff and making dinner stuff during the times when I’d usually be sitting on a nice, quiet(ish) train. Tomorrow I’ll have about six hours on assorted trains; seven if I take the earliest train out and the latest train home and then also take an actual lunch hour instead of my customary ‘eat lunch crouched over my keyboard like a feral cat’.

Let’s see. How to fit 55 hours of knitting, a certain percentage of which must be done at home where I have access to all my sewing tools and a nice, wide table, into basically one twenty-four hour period, to wit, Saturday?

“Hey, God! Hi. How ya doing? It’s me, Tama. Yeah, been a while. Um, listen, I was wondering…could you do me a little favor? Could you, like, perform a localized miracle for me, bend time and space and give me 55 hours in the next, say, twelve?”

There you have it. Science breeds religion. And I have every belief that God will, in fact, come through for me on this one.

And here are some pictures. Progress!

And, one of the steeks!! And no, I didn’t get wasted on Burly Fox chardonnay last night (much) and knit an earring into the sweater by mistake – that’s a stitch marker. A faaaaaaaaaaancy one. When I reach the stitch marker, I know I’ve completed another round.

So. If you notice any weirdness in the next few days, such as, say, 55 hours of daylight on Saturday? Don't panic. It's just God taking care of things for me.


21st Century Mom said...

Here's a suggestion - pretend you are on the train. Lock yourself in your room for the that amount of time at that time of day and knit like a mad woman. Ultimately your domestic situation will be status quo and all will be well with the world.

Or something like that.

That is going to be one gorgeous sweater no matter when you get it done.

Very Herodotus said...

Hang on a second - at what point did the sweater turn blue?? I thought it was black and white, according to the previous pictures! Am I losing it here or what??

Are you seriously spending SIX hours a day commuting? I hope this is one of those internet-blog-exaggeration-to-make-a-good-story kind of things.

Mother of Chaos said...

Well, not quite six hours. I leave the house at 5:30 to get into the office at 8:15; and I leave the office at 3:30 to get home at 6:30.

So, it's five hours and forty-five minutes. :-/

But at least I ain't drivin'...

Myownigloo said...

Wow, that's outrageously beautiful!

Obligatory philosophical comments in keeping with the religious theme follow:

Forget time and space. Just keep knitting, keep on knitting, just keep knitting.

Stay in the moment and finish when you finish.

And I say it again, Yowser, that's gorgeous!

PipneyJane said...

Alternate prayer:

"Dear God, please make Tama knit faster. She deserves a gold medal for this sweater."

How's that?

- Pam (you'll still get Gold whenever you finish it. It'll be an amazing achievement).

Very Herodotus said...

MOI, your comment reminds me of Dorie in Finding Nemo -

"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming..."


Myownigloo said...

VH: It was meant to...

Hi, my name's MOI. What's yours?



Moira said...

I have to say it is wonderful and like Ms Bee says is gorgeous!! (her fav word right now) I have to ask... it is for you correct?!