Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Are they still casting for Pokeman?



OK, so – I dyed my hair last week? Which is a thing I do because I am too immature to take my gray hair like a woman all about keeping up appearances?

Yeah. So, I had picked out this color that looked kind of fun. A bit redder than The Usual but hey – life is short.

Oh. My. God. In. Heaven.

I look like…an aging anime character. It’s so red it’s just…just…well, it’s…it’s…


The only problem with this is, well, actually, there’s a couple problems. One is the “aging” thing; I suspect it looks more than a touch ridiculous on me because this is a color for someone who is twenty or thirty-something. While I steadfastly refuse to grow up and maintain a mental age of oh, about, eh, maybe seventeen (on a mature day) (go ahead, say the word ‘fart’ – I’ll snicker. I won’t be able to stop myself), the body looks like I should be loading up the kids into the gray minivan for soccer practice. Ssssssexy!

The other major problem is that I have no hair style.

No, seriously – I have no hair style. The ‘look’ goes like this: Dunk head under sink, apply goop, comb, hope for the best.

That’s my “hair styling” routine in the morning.

Like I said: Ssssssexy!

This color kind of needs a style. In fact, it rather demands it. It says, “Hey! You canNOT go around with me on your hair, but no style! You look like a complete ass. Fix it, loser!

So I looked at myself in the full-length mirror at work (memo to me: you need one of those – that’s how you would know your pant hems are way too long) (I kid you not, in my own bedroom / bathroom, there is no mirror I could use to even see how my shirt and pants go together; they’re too small and there isn’t enough room to back up enough to see from a distance. Not that I could, seeing as how I need new glasses.) (You know what, now I’m getting a little bummed out. Let’s move on.) and here was this too-funky-fresh-for-me color on that lame excuse of a style and I thought, You know what would be fun?

Yes. That’s right. I thought those six words again.

And then I started trying to figure out if I could do some kind of spikier thing with my hair. Something that had that “it took two hours of hard work to get this hair to look like I forgot to brush it after sleeping under a bridge all night” vibe going, maybe.

You know, something…style-like, with…I think they call it, um, “lift”?

…or something…?

And that, dear female coworkers, is why I was standing in front of the bathroom door holding my hair up in both hands staring at myself all wide-eyed like that with my chin down and a possibly somewhat wild overall expression on my face…as if I’d just learned some terrible truth and just couldn’t deal with the trauma of it.

I was just trying to imagine what I would look like, you know, if I had lift.

Lord-have-mercy, I should NOT be allowed out of the house without a keeper…


Steph B said...


Ohmygosh, I just laughed so hard I think I snorted my coffee. You are hysterical. And why are there no pictures of this stunning hair of yours? We want pictures!


RobinH said...

Nope. You've got goop. That's a style. Me, I get up, run a comb through it, and I'm done. And that's on a good day. Sometimes I get to work and realize I forgot the combing step.

Science PhD Mom said...

LMAO!! I say give up the goop. I, too, am a hairbrush only kind of gal. Then again, I am also a "gray hair, pshaw! So what??" kind of gal. I have gray streaks all over and I'm only in my MID-THIRTIES. It is sad, but I know I am too lazy and too unconcerned to bother with hair dye, and having that horrid 1 cm wide band of gray hair at my part that screams, "I DYE MY HAIR!!". Yeah, not going there...I will just be blissfully gray.

PipneyJane said...


What I want to know is, why red hair dye? You have a history of strange encounters with it. I remember an old post about some red stuff you found cleaning out the bathroom cabinet. I wish I could remember the details.

Thanks to that, you were the first person I thought of when I found some permanent hair dye on sale in February and decided to try it. I stood in the middle of the supermarket and wondered what I'd do if it went wrong the way yours had that time. :o)

I was lucky, though. I somehow managed to buy the one colour of permanent dye that actually matches my natural hair colour. Six weeks in and nobody could spot it wasn't natural. Even my hairdresser was impressed.

For now, I'm a convert. And, since they did a promotion selling the stuff at half price, I've bought enough to last me a year. (Mandatory LBYM content.)

- Pam (I don't style my hair, just wash it daily, comb it and hope for the best. It's curly so I figure that it wears me.)