Saturday, June 28, 2008

Would it be so wrong if...

...I were to set up one of those invisible shocking fences across the doorway to my bedroom, and then solder collars on each of the Denizens? I mean, if I promised I wouldn't set it above char sizzle stun the lowest setting?

Also, if it IS wrong...well, could you PROMISE that CPS would take them away from me for their protection? For a day or two? Possibly a week? Or until school starts again? That'd be awesome a terrible, terrible burden on me, ALAS, how I would miss them and all, sob.sob.sob.sob...

We're having A Day around here, obviously. We are having a playdate today for Boo Bug and Danger Mouse with a pair of their friends, and all of the kids are spinning around in a frenzy that suggests that perhaps there might have been crack cocaine in their Spaghetti-O's at lunchtime. About ten minutes ago, I caught Danger Mouse in my room, which is today as it has been since, oh, I dunno...TWO YEARS BEFORE SHE WAS BORN!...Off Limits.

READ
MY
LIPS

OFF! LIMITS! There isn't even a passing attempt at child-proofing in here, this is where I keep things that are sharp, delicate, expensive, important, poisonous or hey, here's a unique thought, personal. As in, mine. As in, not yours. AS IN, HANDS OFF, YA LITTLE MISCREANT!

She was trying to haul poor Dharma out from under the bed (where she was quite sensibly hiding from all these little wild, running, screaming, Popsicle-demanding, possibly crack-headed youngsters) by one of her hind legs (which prompted me to say a word I really shouldn't ought to be saying to young children) (although it did sum up my feelings about it pretty well) because she wanted to show her to her noisily shrieking little friend.

Nothing a cat likes better than, you know, being grabbed by a sweaty-handed eight year old and hauled out of the nice, safe darkness to be displayed to another sweaty-handed eight year old with a shriek that could pierce steel.

Sigh. OK. I'm fine, really. Just going to go pound back a fifth of something have a nice glass of heavily spiked cold, healthy fruit juice.

(I didn't get enough sleep last night. This makes me grouchy. So does noise. Noise, and sleep-deprivation. They aren't bad kids...they're just noisy kids who are being forced to stay indoors by the heavy smoke in the air outside from All Dem Fires we're having right now in California. The nearest one isn't anywhere near us, but when you walk outside there is a heavy haze settled over everything. We've been advised to stay indoors as much as we can with the windows shut etc. etc. etc., soooooo...I've got a whack of kids who would really prefer to be outside with all their noise and jumping and running and energy... but they can't. Sigh.)

5 comments:

Steph B said...

Go for it!! I'm sure any residual twitching would wear off eventually. Believe me, I feel for you. If all else fails send 'em here, we'll keep them busy! :-)

Trina said...

If your going to spike your juice, then you might as well spike their's too. I mean, after the crack laced O's who would notice some downers thrown in, right? :)

Good luck with the play dates, you're a braver woman than I!

kissmyfrog said...

I have a mantra for days like you're having: "Straight-jackets, ball-gags, soundproof padded cells". Sometimes it's a comfort to know there are such things in the world.

Moorecat said...

Play centre? Indoor swim centre? I know these places cost, but surely in circumstances like this, it's worth it?

Just tell me you've got reciprocal rights with their mums...

Anonymous said...

1st time for leaving a comment. Been reading your blog for a couple of months now & enjoy your sense of humor & writing style.

I feel for you. My youngest daughter has 7 girls. (5 live there; 2 who visit throughout the year; plus a friend of the oldest daughter, who practially lives there).

When I visited last summer (they live in Kenai, Alaska) it was utter chaos. My daughter had a couple plus their two kids (boy & girl), her sister (my oldest) plus her two kids (boy & girl), her 5 girls, husband, and myself (15 total) and the friend on weekends.

So you could say "I know exactly how you feel."

As for the CA fires, we live in Nevada and the smoke has been hovering here since they started.
Some days you can't even see the Ruby Mountains. We too have to keep the windows shut and stay indoors as much as possible.