Friday, June 13, 2008

Life takes Mastercard

My Treo…is old. And by “old” I mean FIVE WHOLE YEARS OLD.

Which, in tech-years, is like…well. It’s wicked old and all.

The problem, of course, is that because I am cheap thrifty, I bought this Treo when it was already not merely last year’s model, but year-before-last’s model. Hey – they were practically giving them away. I think I paid $79 for it, when the list price was something like $349.

But still…it was already less than brilliantly supported, and now?

Nobody supports it. Even Palm kind of laughs when I call about issues. They say things like, “Well, we did have an upgrade for version up to the six hundred series {snicker!} but for that wicked-old thing of yours, well, I can send it to you but your hardware wouldn’t be able to run it!”

And then they laugh, not unkindly but in that way people do when they really would like to laugh unkindly but are too aware that their supervisor could be listening this very instant to actually do so.

Sometimes, you will be calling me and my SmartPhone (HA!) won’t frickin’ ring.

If you are my mother calling with no really important news, just a social call…and I am in church or a meeting…the phone will ring every damned time.

If you are a client with an emergency project worth, say, $2,400…fughettaboutit. My phone will ring, twice, the next time I am in church. It will show your number. I will try to answer it (discretely, while running for the door) because, hey – God understands about the need to make money. Collection plates are depending on this call too and all.

But you will not be there because hel-lo, the call I am now not-actually-receiving happened two days ago! So it will then go :beep!:, hey, you missed a call! TWO DAYS AGO!

And then it will tell me that also? I HAVE NEW VOICEMAIL!!!!

The external keyboard doesn’t work, and the new ones are all Bluetooth. How old is my Treo? It is pre-Bluetooth, people.

“Oh, you need a new keyboard for your Treo? Well, pick from any of these fourteen options! This one has flowers on it! This one folds into something the size of a credit card! This one is 100% wireless! All of them use Bluetooth!”

“Uhhhhh…I don’t exactly have Bluetooth on this phone…”

{Best Buy dude falls onto the floor clutching his sides and shrieking with laughter. “It…{pant-pant} It doesn’t have…{gasp! wheeze!} Bluetooth! DUDE! How old is that thing?!?!”

Today I went to make a call and it said, and I quote: {Blackness}


I poked at it. I plugged it into its charger. The red light came on. I turned it on. It said, “Oh. Hai. I’m like, a Brand! New! Treo! My battery is actually already full, but thanks for asking! What a beautiful sun-shiny day! OK! So!...who am I, again? And who are you?”

It won’t sync (“Please replace device”), so I can’t get all my contacts and calendar back onto the damned thing.

{bangs head on desk a few times sobbing angrily}

I'm a self-employed consultant. I can't have a phone, smart or otherwise, that doesn't pull its own weight.

I'm going to have to face up to the need for a new phone.

I have been with T-Mobile for approximately sixteen million years. I am no longer under contract, which is kind of nice as I go shopping for {shudder} a new SmartPhone.

I am already getting a painful twinge in my wallet.

I’m about 99% certain I’m going with another Palm product because I already have about $42,768,219.74 worth of Palm software. I’ve got spreadsheet programs, database programs, word processing programs, stock screeners, games, all kinds of stuff. Even some custom-built things (ooh! aah!) that I coded with my own delicate lily-white hands to fill specific needs.

I’ve been a Palm user since the very first Palm Pilot back when dinosaurs ruled the earth and in order to Bold something in your spreadsheet program, you had to use the <> command. (And then people wonder why HTML came so easily to me…)

So, I'm looking at the new Treo 755. Nice. Got a lot of features my old Treo doesn't. Two hundred bucks out the gate, not bad...I guess...especially considering all the software I won't have to replace...

Funny how you can complain vigorously about something for weeks and months (“This phone has something wrong with its ringer! It can’t surf the Web! It doesn’t display emails correctly! Argh!”) but when push comes to shove and it’s really time to replace it…

It’s been my constant companion for five years. I’m used to the way it feels. I’ve got all its one-touch buttons programmed just the way I like them. It knows all my email accounts.

I’m going to miss it.

Also I’m not too happy about paying $200 for a new 755.

Even if it does have Bluetooth and GPS and probably a hot-button to God.


Lori said...

Hey, but now that you're working again, and use the phone for work, you can write off part of the expense of the phone!
It still sucks though. It takes almost a whole day to learn all the features of a new cellular phone...

Lydee said...

once you get your new phone you will wonder, Why did I wait so long! I've been there, done that.

Misstea said...

You have a Treo?

You know how it works?

Any advice? I can't access Ravelry, or any other sign-in website that I need to have 24/7. Right now, It's a really expensive ordinary cellphone.

Jeez, I need help. I am stoodip.

PipneyJane said...

I know exactly how you feel about your phone. My little (1.5 inch by 2.5 inch) Samsung SGH A-800 is... wait for it... six years old and still going strong. It's so old, it doesn't have Blue-tooth or a camera, and the network switched off its internet access because they didn't have enough users who still used the old format.

I have been waiting (and saving) for 2 years to replace it. I'm not going to give up until it dies. At this rate, it'll last another two years.

When it dies, I want one with everything: good camera and flash, mp3 player, decent internet access, "real computer" features, etc. And still small enough to fit into the palm of my hand. (My ideal is a TARDIS.)

Whatever you buy, please do a "sell me" on the features.

- Pam

Yarnhog said...

Does it make you feel any better that I only understood about half of that and that most of the time I can't even figure out how to answer my cell phone when it does ring?

I hate electronic gadgets. All they do is complicate my life and make it easier for people I don't want to talk to in the first place to track me down in places I don't want to be disturbed.

Threeundertwo said...

I love my Treo 680. I've had palm devices since the time of dinosaurs too. I feel your pain.