Look. I mean, sure. I enjoy a good Merino, perhaps a cup or two of cashmere here and there, and I have yet to meet an alpaca I didn’t like. But this does not make me an out of control loser, people!
I can stop purchasing yarn any time I want.
I just…don’t want to, right now.
Yarn really is my box of Twinkies. My guilty, sinful pleasure; my “hide in the closet and gorge myself” treat.
I began to realize that perhaps my stash was getting slightly on the largish-side a few months ago, after I ordered the yarn for the Family Sweaters (OK, and maybe I got a few little bits of other yarn for, you know, other…stuff…).
In due course, the UPS truck backed up to the house and dumped a refrigerator-sized box from KnitPicks onto our porch. Unfortunately, my husband was the first to reach it. “What’s this?” he muttered.
Then he read the shipping label.
And then…he looked at me.
People, you’d think my pimp had showed up with my meth, the way my husband looked at me.
“Where are you going to put all of this?” he asked coldly. Unfortunately, he had a very good point – my closet is crammed to the bursting point with yarn. I’ve gotten it all in there, all praise be unto the creator of Space Bags…but I’m rapidly becoming the Crazy Yarn Lady.
It’s time to do something about it, people. Before the Den disappears beneath a mound of brightly colored animal fiber.
While I shudder to think of the impact on KnitPick’s bottom line in 2007, I’m jumping on the Knit from Your Stash 2007 bandwagon. Here are the rules, reposted:
Knit From Your Stash 2007: Guidelines for Mother Chaos (modified slightly from the original, to remove excessive temptation and close some loopholes)
1. The Knit-From-Your-Stash-a-Thon will start January 1, 2007 and run through September 30, 2007 – a period of nine months.
Rushing to place an obscenely large order of random yarns with Webs, KnitPicks and Elann on December 31 shall constitute CHEATING.
2. We will not buy any yarn during that period, with the following exceptions:
2.a. If someone asks for a specific knitted gift that we really and truly do not have the yarn for, we may buy yarn to knit that gift.
Leaving groovy knitting patterns featuring yarns we do not currently have lying around in conspicuous places shall constitute CHEATING.
As will walking up to people and asking, “Saaaay, wouldn’t you just LOVE to have a cashmere wimple, hint-hint?”
2.b. If we are knitting something and run out of yarn, we may purchase enough to complete the project.
Starting a queen-sized afghan with the last few yards of purple Cascade 220 knowing full darn well it’s the last I’ve got shall constitute CHEATING!
3. We are allowed to receive gifts of yarn.
Screening this rule on a t-shirt along with some helpful URLs for yarn sources in large bold letters to wear to all gatherings of friends and family, making *ahem* noises and pointing at same constantly shall constitute CHEATING!
In my case, I’m afraid I have to remove the sock yarn exemption, because I have not one but two 11”h x 12”w x 15” d boxes not just filled but ruthlessly stuffed boxes full of sock yarn. Conservatively speaking, I’d say I have enough yarn to make about sixty pairs of adult socks.
The complete catalog is even more outrageous. Four such boxes loaded down with kitchen-towel type cotton. Several cones of good plain wool. Three more boxes with miscellaneous tidbits. Aaaaand a few shelves crammed with everything from alpaca to baby acrylic.
I also have to remove the ‘get out of jail free’ card. See example involving refrigerator-sized boxes of yarn being delivered, above. Even one purchase could be a purchase too many. Better to just hold out until September. Surely I’ll be able to do that, right?
Because I am not out of control.
Not, not, NOT.
And just to prove I really mean it? Look! This is stash yarn, being used!!
This is going to be a ‘Girly Girl’ sock, from Sock by Rita Buchanan. The stash being here consumed is Filatura Di Crosa Baby Zarina. It’s a superfine Merino, machine wash/dry, being knit up on #4 needles which feel huge! huge! huge! compared to my usual #1s. That’s two balls of languishing stash, heading home.
And yes. That is, in fact, yet another ball of sock yarn behind it. You see how unruly my stash has become? Now it’s escaping its boxes and congregating on my desk!
Yes. Knit from Your Stash 2007 is a very, very good idea indeed. I heartily endorse it.
P. J. O'Rourke
16 hours ago