Tuesday, March 09, 2010

The world according to me

If I ran the business world, there would definitely be some changes.

Among many, many other things, it would be considered perfectly acceptable to knit in meetings, and while reading through lengthy documents describing how the table of the first part joins to the table of the second part, and how the views are dropped and recreated upon the following triggers and zzzzzzzzzzz. (Which is what I was doing yesterday, and OHMYGAH, I thought I was going to diiiiiiiie of boredom.) (I don’t know why, either – it’s not always so boring, but yesterday it was just like…my brain was rejecting the task as beneath it for some reason. I kept realizing that I was just staring at the code and documents while my brain was just whirring in neutral…duuuuuuuuuh…I suppose everybody has days like that, but it irritates me because guess what? I still hafta get it done. Could have been done today but oooooooh no, yesterday was apparently I Am Too Cool For This Kind Of Drudgery Day, so instead I get to circle right back around to it today.) (Nice going, Brain…)

Anyway, also in the World According To Me, nobody would so much as blink when a knitter said something like, “Hang on a second, fiddly bit…” They’d just hold their thoughts for a second while the fiddly bit was dealt with so that the knitter didn’t have to merely pretend to be paying a lick of attention to the conversation when in point of fact s/he was trying to figure out whether or not s/he had picked up one too many gusset stitches on the left side of the sock.

Of course, in the interest of fairness, knitters would be expected to choose easy projects with minimal shaping and so forth. No fancy lace knitting in meetings, please.

There would be hand and shoulder massages offered regularly in the office, especially on days packed with back to back knitting sessions meetings.

There would be onsite daycare and charter schools covering preschool through high school.

What? I’m not overly-clingy, I swear! I’m just thinking of the convenience-factor for the workers, that’s all…

Oh. And there would always be an onsite coffee shop / yarn store offering wholesale prices as a company perk.

Which would actually be a way of preserving worker productivity, because let’s face it: A knitter who is fixated on where on earth that fourth #2 DPN could possibly have gotten to between her house and the office and how she’s going to work around this is an unproductive worker.

And good coffee is, of course, a Constitutionally-protected right of every red-blooded American.

Is TOO. "Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."

Knitting supplies + good coffee = Happiness.

I rest my case.

5 comments:

Katrina said...

Amen. 'Nuff said.

Renee said...

Can we have a similar arrangement between children and their poor, poor motherÉ

Louiz said...

I'll sign up for that one:)

PipneyJane said...

Throw in universal health care, and I'd work for you in a flash!

- Pam (would also like the ability to put all the bosses on pause so that she can get her real job done instead of answering queries)

Steph B said...

Tama, I think I love you....