Thursday, October 16, 2008

Aw, come ON!!!!

You’re my friends, right? You’d tell me if, you know, I had spinach in my teeth? Or maybe smelled like a rancid pat of month-old butter?


I am starting to feel maybe a tad not loved or something.

For the, uh, hmm, well lots of times (I only have ten fingers and ten toes, so I’ve now lost count), yet another contract has fallen through.

For me. My husband, thankfully, has gotten two under his belt in the first flippin’ week he’s been “on board.”

This morning he says to me, “Hmm. Next week is going to be a challenge…I’m going to have full time work from two clients, plus this third thing.”

I agreed that this could be, you know, tough, especially considering that I had an interview yesterday that went very, very well and all the feedback I’ve gotten has been basically along the lines of “keep your bags packed, we’re going to be a ‘go’ any second” on this deal.

I’m expecting the call any minute.

And then I get the call.

And it isn’t the call I was, you know, expecting. Or, put it another way: The call, I expected. The conversation was a surprise.

Basically, while they worship at the feet of my greatness feel that I am indeed an excellent fit and have mad skilz and blah blah blah it isn’t you it’s us…they’re deciding to explore other options.


Seriously? Do I smell bad? Month-old spinach in my teeth? What in the @*^&@ is going on around here?!?!


Actually, I do know what’s going on, at least in part. With the economy in such a rotten state and their credit lines frozen, when employers get to the part where they sit down and calculate how much it will cost to get work done they blanch, maybe throw up in their trash can a few times, and then decide that since things have been staggering along more or less OK for the last eon, by golly they can jolly well keep staggering on for…a little bit.

Nobody has particularly deep pockets right now.

So. Guess I’m back to square one yet again.

I got off the phone, muttered a few choice words to express my feelings, and then reached automatically for my omnipresent list pad. I’ve never been big on wallowing when things don’t turn out as you expect. Disaster can often be opportunity in disguise – like the price of certain stocks right now, which I feel have ‘opportunity for truly embarrassing returns’ written all over them. (No, I won’t tell you which ones…I might be wrong, and I would feel beyond horrible if somebody ran out and bought a bunch of stock in some company because Tama said, “Wow, that’s going to be worth millions someday!” and then they promptly went bankrupt.)

I looked at it. Full of super-mundane things today, household things, things I wanted to get done now because, shoot. If I’m taking a regular old contract and going to be gone Monday through Friday for a couple months, we’re going to want these things done before I start…

Suddenly not so urgent.

Suddenly, I have all day today, and tomorrow. And all next week. Even if I got a call today with a Hot Opportunity, the whole process seldom takes less than a full week.

Change of plans.


I stared at it for a while. A few things occurred to me, but I just sat there.

Too bummed out to boogie, I suppose.

I’m bummed, and tired, and just feeling kind of…blah.

I think…I’m going to go knit something. Possibly while eating chocolate and watching something mindless on TV.

It might not be particularly constructive, but it’s better than brooding or whining. Or drawing random geometric patterns on your to-do list.

That’s…not particularly constructive, either…


Anonymous said...

Aargh... that just stinks. I'm sorry. And I SO vote for chocolate, knitting and mind-numbing TV. Go for it, you'll feel better!

Unknown said...

I'm feeling the same way Tama. So grab your chocolate and knitting and come on over. We'll watch mindless stuff on tv and vent about all those corporate types who don't know a good thing when it walks in and introduces itself.

Judy said...

I am so sorry, Tama. Just remember that all things work the way they are supposed to. When the time is right, it will come. (Sorry but I am the eternal optimist, sometimes to my own sorrow.)

Anonymous said...

Dang. That stinks. Definitely chocolate and knitting time. Maybe a few good cups of coffee too. Life is frustrating right now for sure.

Anonymous said...

And I suppose you have described exactly why I never went into commission sales, or free-lance anything. I am sure that this hurts in that vaguely disquieting way that aren't life and death but still matter greatly to us do. Go for the chocolate and TV, wallow in your misery, hug your kids and try again tomorrow. That is how we get through this stuff, isn't it?

Science PhD Mom said...

Yuck. I am sorry Tama. "Freelancing" bears too striking a resemblance to "lancet", because of course when you are cut free, it does really CUT! Youch. Hang in there!

21stCenturyMom said...

Every.single.job - gone! That is - all the jobs I applied for and was working on got yanked. Every one. This economy sucks. Enjoy your husband's good fortune and work on your fun stuff. Really - something will come along when it does. After all, this work needs to get done and at some point the dam will break and you will be swamped so better get that holiday season stuff underway now!