Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Waffles, Vocabulary and New Irrational Fears

I was making waffles.

Wait.

Let me rephrase that.

I was trying to make waffles.

In spite of having made waffles just about every Wednesday for the last two years, I forgot one tiny step: Spritzing the waffle iron with oil.

As I was irritably alternating scraping the glued-on waffle batter from the iron with burning myself on it, Eldest yawned her ten-year-old self into the kitchen. She leaned on the kitchen door and watched my battles with the ruined, yet stubbornly clinging to life, waffle for a moment.

“Lemme guess,” she drawled at length. “Something went horribly awry.”

Now, really. Where does the child get these expressions?!

Possibly, this may answer that question: Last night, through a strange and convoluted conversational path, I found myself explaining naked shorts to the child. What's good about them, what's bad about them, and how you can be caught with your financial pants down trying to use them.

Look, the kid understood fractional reserve banking at two better than most adults. Even adults who WORK FOR BANKS. I'm not surprised that she can grasp the basic concepts of a naked short.

She also uses words like 'awry' and 'convoluted' and 'grimoire' and let us not forget 'oxymoron' in everyday conversation.

...that kid is sooooo cool...

BUT. Now, I’m worried. I’m envisioning the start of her day at camp…

“So, what did you do at home last night, Eldest?” asks the perky young counselor.

“Oh, mommy and I were talking about bankers and their naked shorts!” Eldest replies, sardonically and with that sort of smug I'm pretty sure you have no idea what I'm talking about expression.

{knock, knock, knock!} on the front door.

“Yes?”

“Hello. We’re with Child Protective Services, and we’d like a word with you…”

Sigh. Just another thing to add to my list of irrational fears…CPS wanting to discuss my child’s involvement with naked bankers whose shorts don’t cover their arses.

7 comments:

Quilty bird said...

LOL! At 2, my daugher would come to me and say her older brother was "tagonizing" me. (Antagonizing.) She's a "wordie" like me.

Yarnhog said...

I've been expecting that knock on the door for years. In second grade, my son's class was discussing U.S. government and, when they were asked to name some of our government officials, he named the Secretary of State: Condoleeza Lies-a-lot. I'm glad he didn't bring up Bush--I can only imagine what he would have said.

Michelle F said...

My girls have come up with "drinkable" "cellaphone" and "frusrated" My tall-girl's kindergarten teacher once said to me that her vocabulary was "high-faluttin" - she thankfully retired shortly after that!

I looked up naked shorts and I don't get it and don't think I want to!

Sarah said...

I was like that as a kid too! I now live in Japan and one of my Japanese friends (who lived in the US for a decade) complains about my "GRE words." Sigh.

PipneyJane said...

At 6 some stupid adult questioned me when I told the dog that he had halitosis. Puddles did - his breath stank from the cat-food he'd just been eating (sensible dog didn't like dog-food, prefered cat-food and fish).

I looked the adult in the eye and told him that halitosis meant bad breath "surely everyone knows that?".

- Pam

Steph B said...

Hahahahaha! My kids are "wordies" too. I think it comes of having parents and grandparents (and aunts and uncles and cousins and...) who are avid readers, and remember and use the words they read. At least that's my theory. Of course they do tend to put their own creative twists on things, as when my youngest called Saddam Hussein "Saddam Who's Insane". For some reason I didn't feel called to correct him. :-)

barbara-kay said...

The intelligent child is never understood, even (especially?) by adults in authority. Carry on: you're "doing good".