Tuesday, August 28, 2007

The Noble, Selfless Son

Let’s say, for the sake of the argument, that a certain mother is on a diet. Let’s say that this mother is carrying an extra twenty pounds (mostly on her butt and thighs, damn it) and that this mother is grimly determined to get rid of it because it would be a very nice thing to do for her arthritic hips and knees.

Let’s also say, purely for purposes of illustration, that this mother has Certain Weaknesses. Such as leftover chocolate birthday cake and/or ice cream.

Now. We all know how children cause weight gain. They do it during pregnancy, they cause hormone changes that cause bodies that once shed extra weight like water to suddenly retain every ounce of fat that goes in our mouths, they want to eat things like ice cream and macaroni and cheese, which NATURALLY we feel impelled to finish off for them – so children are like the kiss of death to a healthy weight range.

I mean, really. Have you ever known a child who actually helped a mother stay on a diet?

Here’s one.

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Yessir, Captain Adventure saw that leftover birthday cake sitting on the counter (why Grandma’s birthday cake was left here is another rant for another day) (they are ALWAYS doing this to me – and potato chips, too) (and coleslaw and potato salad) (ARGH!!) and said to himself, “I had better pull that onto the floor and squash it between my filthy toes, before my Dearest Mother forgets herself and plunges into it, undoing three weeks of hard dieting in a single weak-willed moment!!”

Yes, I am truly blessed to have such a noble, selfless son…

9 comments:

RM Kahn said...

Way to go Captain A.!! You are so lucky!

Tola said...

awwww he just wanted another piece of his cake! what a cutie-pants!

amy said...

(delurking here...)I'm considering renting out my kids to dieters, because they eat all my food. If it's on my plate, it MUST taste better. Plus, they give me no time to eat. I spend every meal going back and forth to get them more of this, more of that...until the food is cold and I'm out of time to eat it.

Steph B said...

What a hoot! We have a great picture of my husband at about 3 or 4, plunging face-first into a freshly made cake at his grandma's house. The expression on his face is priceless - you can tell he saw the camera when it was already too late to stop the dive. Gotta love 'em!

becky c. said...

I just love that kid!

Science PhD Mom said...

Hip, hip, hooray, for Captain A! Hey, you have to love a guy who knows what a temptation that was for you, and chose to remove it and have a great squishy time with his toes, too.

MadMad said...

Wha-a goo-booooy! (Eh - it looks better when I say it to my dog. Of course, in that case, I'm totally lying. But Good Capt. Adventure! Yay! Bring 'em over any time!)

HDW said...

Toooo cute. Oh my god.....made me smile!

Amy Lane said...

What a lovely thing for him to do. I know i lost my appetite just looking at it.