Tuesday, March 29, 2011

When The Crazy Attacks…

I think I am in the middle of some kind of epic adventure, wherein we are going to learn fascinating things about just how exhausted a person can become and still muddle through.


…dunno, maybe I can get a Discovery channel gig out of it…?

Now, I recognize that it is only Tuesday and that really, trying to say that “this whole week {blah blah blah}!” is kind of silly.

But this whole week? OHMYBLAH BLAH BLAH !!!!

OK, so, actually, it all started Thursday afternoon, when there was a mudslide over the tracks which caused the ACE trains (and every other train that uses those same tracks) (but who cares about them?!) to not run.

Hilarity ensues!

Having signed up for the text alerts from ACE, I began receiving a long string of messages that made almost partial sense most of the time. When instructed to call, I did…and received even more confusing instructions.

I suspect the person I spoke with was confused about where the Embarcadero BART station is in relation to the Santa Clara light rail system. Because the dude thought it might be possible for me, at 3:40 in the afternoon, to get to the Santa Clara stop in time to catch the 4:32 Amtrak to Fremont.


Yeah. Dude, I’d be lucky to make it to Oakland by 4:32. Word.

But eventually it all got straightened out and ACE called and paid for a cab ride home for us, which here means ‘the husband and I’ because of COURSE we were both in the office that day!

And four three other stranded passengers.

And since they had a total of five four passengers needing a ride, they naturally called for a small bus minivan one of those big black cars you see around airports a lot a Prius.

…and now you know why we lost Passenger #5…

It was a VERY COZY ride home. VERRRRRRRY cozy. And also it was raining like @*&^@, and the cab driver was one of those guys who likes to tell jokes and stuff while eagerly watching your reaction in the rearview mirror.

Ya, dude, look…this is already really damned uncomfortable and there are about 400 inches of rain on the freeway PLUS you’re doing 75 in a Prius with the four of us crammed in here like sardines and I don’t want you to slow down really but it WOULD be nice if you could LOOK AHEAD OF US and some junk…

So then we got home and went to bed. I was going to have to go into the office Friday (on National It Is A Constitutional Right To Always-Always-ALWAYS Work From Home On Fridays Day?! {GASP!}) because I had left my laptop locked up in its docking station.

Which was a good thing, seeing as how I then spent about an hour standing in the driving rain waiting for the aforementioned Prius to show up. My bag, and everything in it, was soaked.

BUT, well, guess what? The ACE train still wasn’t running on Friday.

I hate driving. BUT, I’m a big girl and I have a driver’s license, sooooo, you know, I’ll suck it up and deal with it. And leave early. Because Friday night traffic + me = reality television fodder. Seriously. Next, on COPS…watch as some INSANE WOMAN screams randomly out her window at other drivers…!

But it did occur to me (as the text messages warning of flooded roads and so forth buzzed on my phone) that I probably better wait until sunrise to start driving. Because good grief, who wants to drive into one of the temporary Not So Great Lakes of California? Not me.

…and so it was that I walked out to the driveway at a little after 7:00 in the morning, looked at the flat frickin’ tire on the Civic, turned right back around and began brewing a second coffee because yup, it’s gonna be THAT kind of day…

And then Big O couldn’t help me on account of because approximately three million other people were already banging their fists on the counters yelling about Tahoe and fix and tire and NOW!!!

I personally feel that my desire to go to work trumps their desire to go to stupid Tahoe and the stupid fresh snow, but, whatever.

So I attended meetings and, well, that was about it. Sigh.

And then, I’m told, a weekend happened.

But it’s all…rather a blur.

First of all, it rained some more. HARD. So I spent Saturday lying around in my personal sauna while a trained chiropractic massage specialist worked on my back and I ate shameless handfuls of chocolate and crap, I just realized, this totally wasn’t me! It was my dream-self, because I was unloading about 300 pounds of meat out of the freezer, giving said appliance a much-needed and very thorough washing out as fast as I could because now I’ve got meat sitting out starting to thaw, and then put it all back again.

But a little more neatly.

And then I did the same thing for the garage refrigerator which was, in a word, ew.

I mean, you know how fridges get, right? A little apple juice here, maybe a broken egg you didn’t quite clean as thoroughly as you thought, and suddenly you look at it and go, “Gross!”

Now add garage funk. Dirt, dust, sawdust even…yeah. Just go ahead and add the exponent of your choice to the Gross Factor.

Then, because I live a life of this kind of excitement…I cleaned the inside fridge as well. Wooooooooo, there ain’t no party like a cleaning-cold-appliances party…wooooo…oooooo…ooo…ahem.


THEN, I got up the next morning and cooked stuff. Lemon yogurt muffins, and homemade English muffins, which were then used to make some homemade egg sandwiches, PLUS some ham quiches with two kinds of cheese and some diced canned chilies because that’s right, I am a WILD THING. And some tea scones with currents.

Plus eight half-pints of lemon syrup.

Oh. And I made the yogurt for the muffins, too.

Because I am crazy, that’s why.

…and then I’m all surprised because ohmygoodness, will you look at that! Suddenly, it’s almost Wednesday!

Meanwhile in other news, our neighbor has repaired / rebuilt our blown-down fence, for $300 plus materials. Which is about $600 less than we would have paid to have a contractor do it, and by the way, guess what he does for a living?

Yeah, he’s a carpenter.

The fence looks better now than it did when it was brand new.

I’d show you this, but this whole week? Crazy. Yesterday and today went exactly the same way:

4:49 a.m.: Ah! Here I am, on the early train, I’ll be in my chair at the office by 6:30, out right before 3:00, early train home, home by 5:30-ish, couple hours of daylight and a little energy left, it’ll be awesome!

2:00 p.m.: AAAAAAAH! Why is all hell breaking loose?! Seriously?!?! Dude, quit saying we “lost” your accounts, we so totally did not “lose” a @*^&@ing thing…you are making those accounts UP, is what, and I CAN PROVE IT!!!! {typity-typity-typity!!!!}

3:00 p.m.: …crap, I missed the first train…oh well, I’ll just finish this One Last Thing™ and then I’ll definitely make it out of here in time for the middle one…

4:00 p.m.: …CRAP!!!!!

{commuting happens}

7:30: …crawl-crawl-crawl {face-plant!!!!}


I am totally going to catch that first train home.


…man, what a week…!


Tola said...

yay for carpenter neighbor?

and if your muffins had "currents" in them, id think youd have gotten more energy out of them than you did. (just yankin' yer chain!)

Mother of Chaos said...

Tola, that just TOTALLY made me laugh unreasonably hard! :)

Steph said...

And THIS, my sweet dumpling, is why I do not have a Real Job. There is not enough Prozac in the freakin' universe. My husband accepted that reality many years ago, thus our current (electrifying-HA!) state of marital bliss.

Ok, bad puns, need more coffee. :-)

Colleen Mole said...

You poor thing. I was wondering what could have happened to you...now I understand. Eat chocolate, it makes everything better!