Yesterday was one of those “hard days.” (As if you couldn’t tell.)
It was a lot like pulling a scab off an infected wound. (Ooooooh, nice visual! Thanks for that, Tama!) (No problem, any time you need gross bodily fluid related images, you can count on me!)
The whole situation hurt. It ached and throbbed and kept me up at night and was miserable. But I didn’t want to deal with it yet because I didn’t have to deal with it until next month and maybe a miracle would happen and somehow I’d just have the money.
But it just wasn’t going to happen. So I took a deep breath, filed, clicked, paid, a bunch of icky stuff oozed out and I ranted and screamed and cried and then I self-medicated and went to bed.
Feels a lot better this morning. Still sore. Still aching. It’s going to take some old-fashioned fiscal therapy to get things limbered up again.
But that impossible pressure is gone. The worry and fear and anticipation is over.
And in its place…well.
It’s a bright and beautiful day out there today. Sunny, cool, a little breezy.
Perfect day to start a war.
I now have $488,390.06 in combined mortgage, credit card, auto and medical loans to pay off. I have no savings to fall back on “in case.” We are relying on my husband being able to bill two clients who are themselves struggling – one of them in particular is having trouble keeping even their own people working, let alone us.
This is as personal as it gets, folks, and I am taking very personally indeed.
I’ll be honest, I much prefer this feeling. Fear, anxiety, uncertainty…they suck.
I like looking at what I have now and thinking, Right. Where’s my whittling knife and my coupon book? This sucker is goin’ DOWN!
It’s an enemy I know…one I know I can beat. Sure, it isn’t fun, I’ll probably have to do things I won’t like (rhymes with ‘commute’) and life will get extra-crazy for a while.
But I have action items. I have power. I have knowledge and skills and something I clearly understand before me.
The wound still hurts. But it’s starting to heal, and I know what to do to heal it faster.
It begins now, with a single word…Onward!
NASA, Cocoa Beach and points north
4 months ago