Thursday, March 26, 2009

Bright new days

Yesterday was one of those “hard days.” (As if you couldn’t tell.)

It was a lot like pulling a scab off an infected wound. (Ooooooh, nice visual! Thanks for that, Tama!) (No problem, any time you need gross bodily fluid related images, you can count on me!)

The whole situation hurt. It ached and throbbed and kept me up at night and was miserable. But I didn’t want to deal with it yet because I didn’t have to deal with it until next month and maybe a miracle would happen and somehow I’d just have the money.

But it just wasn’t going to happen. So I took a deep breath, filed, clicked, paid, a bunch of icky stuff oozed out and I ranted and screamed and cried and then I self-medicated and went to bed.

Guess what?

Feels a lot better this morning. Still sore. Still aching. It’s going to take some old-fashioned fiscal therapy to get things limbered up again.

But that impossible pressure is gone. The worry and fear and anticipation is over.

And in its place…well.

It’s a bright and beautiful day out there today. Sunny, cool, a little breezy.

Perfect day to start a war.

I now have $488,390.06 in combined mortgage, credit card, auto and medical loans to pay off. I have no savings to fall back on “in case.” We are relying on my husband being able to bill two clients who are themselves struggling – one of them in particular is having trouble keeping even their own people working, let alone us.

This is as personal as it gets, folks, and I am taking very personally indeed.

I’ll be honest, I much prefer this feeling. Fear, anxiety, uncertainty…they suck.

I like looking at what I have now and thinking, Right. Where’s my whittling knife and my coupon book? This sucker is goin’ DOWN!

It’s an enemy I know…one I know I can beat. Sure, it isn’t fun, I’ll probably have to do things I won’t like (rhymes with ‘commute’) and life will get extra-crazy for a while.

But I have action items. I have power. I have knowledge and skills and something I clearly understand before me.

The wound still hurts. But it’s starting to heal, and I know what to do to heal it faster.

It begins now, with a single word…Onward!

9 comments:

natasha the exile on Mom Street said...

I wish I knew how to play the bugle for you!

What you are saying resonates so much for my family as well. I appreciate your honesty and will be looking for more ideas on things that I can whittle away at.

Our debt isn't too huge, but we're saving towards an adoption. And I'm a stay at home mom. Scraping together 20K in this economy isn't easy.

But I shall enlist in the Army of Chaos with you and we'll win the war!

Claire said...

Onward and upward indeed. I hope some more work comes your way and that the economy starts looking up in general.

Kathryn said...

I like your attitude. There are days I get pretty whine-y about having to fight the good fight to deal with the money issues. Maybe a deep breath and an "Onward" will inspire me for another round.

(BTW...rhymes with "commute?")

Quilty bird said...

Why can't I figure out what rhymes with commute?

Bommute?
Dommute?
Eommute?

Kere said...

Transmute. As in, I'm sure that the Army of Chaos can transmute that icky debt to financial freedom.

Now if I can just figure out what a flogyro is. (That was my word verification.)

Kere the Knitting Knerd

Galad said...

Glad to hear that today brought new determination to move onward and upward.

You are obviously in good company here!

Steph B said...

Army of Chaos...I like that! Private Grouchy Mom reporting for duty!

Science PhD Mom said...

One day at a time, and one day, it will be gone! Feet forward!

21stCenturyMom said...

I feel that pain. And I see no end in sight. Even I am thinking of doing something crafty and THAT spells desperation.

And what rhymes with commute is "up your patoot" *snort* I'm so funny.