I see that guy standing there, making those little gestures…a little to your right, ma’am…little more to your ri- WAIT! WAIT! NO! LEFT! LEFT! LEEEEEEEFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!!
Of course, I pilot a full-sized van conversion, so the additional carnage would be…impressive.
I took a sick half-day today. Gave up at 10:00 and went off to the sofa for a sulk and a nap. It was astonishing how good a crummy one hour nap felt today! I felt so good this afternoon that I wanted to check out the specs of the new “Fix this! Fix this! AAAAH!” job that got added to my list today. I checked it out just now, found what I think is wrong, penciled in an action plan for fixing it tomorrow and now?
I’m ordering in a pizza for Denizen dinner, and I’m going to bed about four minutes after my husband gets home tonight. Well. ‘Bed’ is here loosely translated to mean, ‘get into a warm tub full of eucalyptus salts, after which I will take a couple Tylenol PM and climb into bed with a copy of Joseph Campbell’s Primitive Mythology.
A think a nice nine, ten hour night's sleep will cure what ails me. That, and a few more handfuls of Halloween candy.
I will leave you with this. Fun Sized candy is evil. Because see, if I were to get myself a full-sized 3 Muskteer bar, I'd eat it and even if I wanted another one, even if I had a closet stuffed with the things, I would say, "No no, we'll have none of that! You've already had your candy for the day, missy!"
But with the Fun Sized deals, well. You eat one and you say, "Well, that's not really a 'serving'..."
So you have another one.
And one Twix, because after all, that hardly counts either.
Plus also maybe a bag of Skittles.
Or two bags, because after all, the 'fun sized' bag of Skittles only has, what, eight Skittles? And the average 'full serving' bag would have, what, forty? Ish?
At which point you tell yourself that what your body needs right now is fuel. You know. To continue fighting the good fight against those nasty little germs.
You see where this is going, right?
Forget taxes on cigarettes. You want to save American lives?
Ban. Halloween. Candy.
(But not really. I will move to Canada so frickin' fast!)