Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Nom nom nom…

By day, I am a lunatic mild-mannered database analyst. BUT BY NIGHT…I am the Mad Shredder. MWAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Which sounds so cool and sinister and some junk, until I upload this…


…which is like, …oh…YAWN!

This shredder has been a major part of my so-called free time lately; see, in order to have room for the almost-a-thousand-pounds (!!!) of meat that is going to be crashing into the Den around 7/16, we decided to go ahead and finally get around to getting a second freezer – but a chest-style this time. Of medium-largish size. (Believe it or not, we don’t need a HUGE! one…because we do still have the other freezer. It’s really more for storing the biggest roasts and awkward-shaped bits…those are the ‘gotchas’ for me, storage-wise.)

Of course, we don’t exactly have open space in the garage. So something had to go, in order for the freezer to come in.

Enter the long, low filing cabinet.

And its contents.

Which consist almost entirely of ancient paperwork and mementos of bygone eras.

There is a reason it hasn’t been dealt with previously – which is because it is mind-numbingly tedious. Oh, I’ve taken care of some things here and there over time; I’ll get to feeling my organizational Wheaties and will jump on in there and purge out bank statements from 1987 and stuff like that…scan important documents to disk and shred the paper-versions…all that kind of stuff.

But the fit usually only lasts for one weekend (usually a rainy one, gee I wonder why THAT might be…), and then I go, “Oh, FORGET IT!!!!” and slam the cabinet shut (frequently on my finger) and then I go on to something more interesting.

Like watching the grass grow, or listening to the carpet dry.

But, with the filing cabinet actually physically going away now, and with nowhere else I can shove this stuff where I don’t have to trip over it every single day…sigh

Every night, I try to go through one more of those big, fat hanging folders. I scan the 300-page documents and shred the sensitive ones and recycle the 52 copies of the same “before your appointment” pamphlet from 1992.

And I try to resist the urge to get lost in it.

Which is a terrible danger, given that I have to at least glance at what’s in my hands.

Hospital charges from when Eldest was born. That set of cloth diapers we bought way back then, for $248 – enough to go an entire week without having to wash the things (although I don’t recommend it…they get stiiiiinky), and I believe that set is now on Baby #7, or possibly 8.

Not too shabby return on investment there, huh?

Increasingly snippy letters between myself and one of our former landlords, who decided that repaying our deposit was kind of optional. Heh. And the Summons and Complaint I filed in the small claims court…aaaaaaaand whaddya know!, a check for the deposit, made out two days after the complaint was served. Pure coincidence, I’m sure…

…ah, me, the good old days…

(Seriously, this is sooooo boring. Can’t I go outside and play instead?!)

1 comment:

Steph B said...

Hahahaahahaha!! Here I thought you were going to post another one of your yummy recipes, and instead the shredder gets all the fiber!