Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Deja flippin’ vu

IN REVIEW. Last week, my husband and I stayed home two days each because Boo Bug wasn’t feeling well. Cough, fever, misery.

Meanwhile in other news, Captain Adventure is just getting over a nasty sinus infection, and I just started antibiotics for my lovely adventures in sinus bacteria.

SO. This morning at 4:15 a.m., the husband and I are awakened by Danger Mouse, who is standing in the doorway saying, “Boo Bug is throwing up.”

Because we are such loving, caring, parents, we were immediately full of concern(s).

Like, is she throwing up in the toilet, or all over her bed?, and which one of us is staying home because I can tell you one thing for sure, Jack, it ain’t gonna be ME

I even went ahead and got dressed like it was a done deal that I would be the one going into the office today. Because you know…act like the answer is obvious, and maybe it will be?

It, uh, didn’t work.

And everywhere I went this morning, from the doctor’s waiting room to the pharmacy counter, people kept kind of jumping in surprise and then saying, “Oh, Ms. Chaos, it’s you! Wow, I didn’t recognize you!”

Because slacks, earrings, pumps…yeah. I don’t recognize me, either.

The slacks don’t have a single stain or hole anywhere on them, too. Fancy!

And guess who is basically out of pocket all day today because this time, Boo Bug isn’t staying quietly on the couch like a good little sick child. No. She is rushing to the bathroom over and over again like a sick child with a tummyache. (The actual throwing up part is apparently over now, but she’s not feeling too well and every time she coughs, which is constantly, she thinks she’s going to throw up – run for the bathroom! Screaming, “MOMMY, I’M GONNA BE SICK AGAIN AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!” all the way!)


Get. This.

She doesn’t have The Flu, swine or otherwise. She probably doesn’t even have a cold.

She has…wait for it…a sinus infection.

And the persistent cough? Probably a symptom of the bacterial soup trickling down into her chest (wow, why does this sound so familiar…oh yeah, that’s exactly what my doctor said to me five days ago!).


Can anybody believe, in the face of evidence like adolescence, menopause-induced pimples and stuff like this, that $DEITY doesn’t have a wicked sense of humor?

Geesh. So, I coughed up another $220 at the pharmacy counter today for an assortment of antibiotics, regular medications and some stuff that is supposed to stop nausea/vomiting/diarrhea cold, daydreamed about the days when we had an HMO with $10 and $25 copays, bought a bunch of Spongebob chicken noodle soup, plain soda crackers and Pedialyte for the Delicate One, came home and changed out of my work clothes and, well, here I am.

I have officially spent more than I earned these last two weeks on pediatric visits and medication. And nobody has had the common decency to give me anything…you know…that might cause dizziness, or at least a cheerful, ‘Who cares if I’m not earning any money this week, I just feel soooooo happy right now! Whoopee!!’ demeanor.

Not that I’d take it if they did, because I actually despise feeling that kind of giddy. Control issues, you know how it is.

But I’d look at the bottle in my medicine chest and think, …at least they CARE…

In closing, I would like to urge everybody to take very good care of their sinuses, so that they can take good care of you.

Although I have to admit, it was kind of nice when I couldn’t smell the litter box.

Just sayin’.

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