Friday, September 25, 2009

When I CAN DO IT goes horribly awry…

Well. I guess it can actually go more awry than this, but…still.

Captain Adventure has been home sick today. He’s got one of those single-symptom things going, a high fever with no cough or anything else to give you a hint as to why. This morning he wasn’t too interested in eating, but about half an hour ago his stomach suddenly woke up and said, “FOOD. NOW.”

So he came in, disconnected the fax machine in mid-fax (sigh…my little engineer…what dis do? {mommy shrieks, stomps and carries on} …oh, it’s a mommy-freak-out-uh-nator, cooooooool…) and announced, “I need-it a sam-itch.”

So I rewired the fax machine (SIGH), hit ‘resend’ and came downstairs to make him a sandwich stand on the curb and clap as he paraded his mad sandwich-making skilz past me.

“First,” he announced. “I hafta put de cereal inna bag.”


So he merrily put the last few crumbs of cereal remaining in the Den into a baggie.

“OK! Now I make-it a sam-itch. I need bwead, NO! I KIN DO IT!!”

“Noooooooo, mommy will cut the bread. No knives for Captain Adventure,” I said firmly. I put up with a lot in the name of letting him be more self-sufficient, but I draw the line at using knives. So he watched anxiously as I cut two slices of bread.

“NO! I KIN DO IT!” he bellowed as they fell onto the board. Then he snatched them away and carefully turned them over, ready for filling.

“Now I get the Meat,” he decided, and brought out the shaved turkey. After some tense negotiations, I got most of the pound and a half back from him and handed him a seven-shaving wad for him to “do himself.”

Then cheese.

Then mayonnaise.

Then blackberry jam.

Then peanut butter.

Then it needed to be cut into four pieces. (Irritation! Mommy and her irrational refusal to let me play with the knives…!)

Then it needed to be squished flat. Really flat. Like, pounded.

Then bagged up.

And then…he walked away from it.

Because see, the point wasn’t to eat it…it was to make it himself.

So. Um.

Anybody want a (ahem) thin (and slightly crumbly) turkey, peanut butter, blackberry and cheese sandwich?



…didn’t think so, somehow…


(formerly) no-blog-rachel said...

Oh my god. Too funny!

Though you never know - maybe he's onto something?

Liz Ditz said...

Hmmmn turkey, peanut butter & blackberry jam -- I might have to try that. And the pounded flat -- is that like a croque monsieur without the cooking part?

Mizzle said...

I think I'd have tried it, if only for the determination it was made with...

I reckon I'd eat turkey and peanut butter, as well as peanut butter and blackberry jam, and turkey and blackberry jam doesn't sound too bad either (it works with cranberry sauce...) Maybe he's going to be a great cook one day? :D

RobinH said...

Peanut butter and bologna. With cheese and jam if I was feeling ambitious. It wasn't the taste so much as the expressions on people's faces when you ate it...

Yarnhog said...

Oh, bleah! But you've got to be proud of his independence...right?

Steph B said...

Too funny. I'd love to be a fly on the Den wall somedays...must be quite the show! :-)

JustGail said...

Oh my! I needed a good giggle - thank you and Captain Adventure. Although that sandwich would probably taste better than the V-8 and chocolate milk combination that my Dear Sweet Child talked me into trying - that was Vile and Disgusting!