Reader discretion is advised.
SO. This is the time of year when I start becoming obsessed with flies. House, horse and fruit - we've got them all in great numbers right now...and this year, between the steer compost in the blended soil we just spread, new compost piles just starting to do their thing, and me spending an hour or three charging in and out every day (instead of sealing the house tight and refusing to come out until December when the winged demons are all dead like a sensible person), the problem is a lot worse in the house this year.
The sight of flies crawling around my kitchen grosses me out in a way even the nastiest diaper can't.
I've been swatting and working extra hard to keep the kitchen clean and rotting food in the compost (ahem...yeah, sometimes I don't empty the kitchen compost tub as often as I could), but still they come. By ones and tens and hundreds and thousands.
Which brings me to the gross part.
I made burritos for dinner tonight. The Denizens LOVE burrito night, because it's one of those rare meals where they get to pick exactly what goes on their plates, and how much...and everything is in little bowls on the Lazy Suzan, which is Just Plain Cool.
So we're all making our burritos and there is Joy and Merriment and I am being complimented as the Best Chef Ever and then I noticed a big fruit fly skittering around on Captain Adventure's tortilla.
He saw it at the same time. I opened my mouth to say something calming, like 'hang on, buddy, mommy's got this', when...when my son, my sweet little boy, my chubby-cheeked innocent...
..slapped his pudgy hand down over the little fruit fly, squishing it expertly against his beans...
..then, as I opened my mouth wider to yell, "Nooooooooooooooooo...!"
HE QUITE DELIBERATELY AND WITH APPARENT RELISH...
And then I had a heart attack and died, the end.
I'm not sure what bothers me more, that he did it...or that he did it so CONFIDENTLY, leading me to wonder if this is, you know...a....regular? Thing? With...him...?
Ugh! Shudder! Weep...
(I don't CARE that it's "free" protein. I don't care that fruit flies are a delicacy in Outer Bbzecherydhckvlee. IT IS JUST PLAIN DISGUSTING, READ MY LIPS: DEEEEEEEE-SKUS-TIN!!!!!)
..I need a vacation...so badly...