Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Self preservation: FAIL

I’ve been knitting a lot of lace lately. Having discovered that I am, too, Knitter enough to handle it, perhaps I’ve gone a little crazy with the lace-knitting thing.

The only “problem” with lace knitting is that while it consumes vast quantities of cussing wine time, it does not consume a vast quantity of yarn. (You can see why “problem” is in quotes, right? Actually, especially with the KnitPicks $3-4 a skein lace weight yarns, lace knitting is a very economical way to go and hence I am even more fond of it – hours and hours of pleasurable work on something that makes people go, “Oooh! Aaaah!” and it cost me $6?! Ship it!)

So as I was digging around for the next Great Thing, I said to myself, firmly, “Let’s see if we can’t find something to do with one of the bulkier yarns in the old stash…reduce the overall footprint of the stash and like that.”

There then followed about four days of flipping through patterns and guesstimating how much yardage was left on each ball and pondering and other such things before finally I got a kerchunk: a jacket from Sweaters for a Lifetime from Leisure Arts, shown here on the back cover:

Booklet Back Cover

I had exactly the right yarn for it, too: Ten balls of Classic Elite Skye Tweed (100% wool, in almost exactly the same green as the jacket on the back cover) I got up at Mendocino Yarn Shop last year during a huge! “happy birthday to me” sale put on by the owner (who is a doll – if you’re in the Mendocino area, you really must check out her shop…go ahead, it’s OK, you can blame me for whatever happens…).

So I cast on and happily knitted away during the news for a few days (nothing helps temper the distress of the national and local news lately like a new knitting project). It’s a simple pattern, easily memorized and pleasant to do even for those of us who have recently decided that really, what we need to do is stop taking all medications and see what happens. (Pain. Pain happens. But so does ‘better concentration’ and ‘less anxiety’ so, uh, well…back to the ‘which finger shall I cut off’ questions, huh?)

Then last night, I showed it to my DH.


(Trust me - the color is greener in real life.)

“This is coming along really well,” I crowed. “It’s going to be a great little jacket – look at how this fabric is coming together, nice and sturdy, not too stiff but I betcha the weather is going to just bounce right off it.”

“Uh, OK. It’s a what, a jacket?”

“Yeah, like this.” I showed him the back cover.

“Oh. Who’s it for?” I mean, it goes without saying that it probably isn’t for me. This close to Christmas? Please. It’s got to be for someone else.

“Actually…” (I am a rebel, yes I am…) “I think I might just keep it.”

“Oh! Wow, you’re knitting something for you?” He was impressed. Then…he snickered.

“What?” The frosty tone really should have been a warning…

“Hee hee hee…it’s just…hee hee…you’re knitting something for yourself, that is, you know, modeled by old people…so you’re ready for Old Person stuff now? I mean, you have been all about Coldwater Creek lately…”

Self Preservation: FAIL.

“Oh. Oh. Oh-oh-oh, no you did not…OK, buster, that’s it – you just totally made the blog!”

He howled with laughter. (Self preservation: double fail.)

Then, my beloved DH raised a finger into the air and bellowed, “The ‘D’ stands for ‘damned’ tonight!!”

Oh, yeah, he thinks he’s soooooo cute.

Wanted: One vest pattern depicting Oldest Man In The Universe, preferably toothless and looking cranky, to be toted around publicly while wearing my Old Person jacket and Coldwater Creek comfort-stretch jeans, with big Post-It note on it saying, “Perfect Vest for Darling Husband!”


Anonymous said...

I'm impressed he had the nerve to say that to a woman holding little pointy sticks! When he least expects it he might just find a hole in the foot, no?

Senora Fuerte said...

I laughed out loud at your final comment there. He deserves that!

Anonymous said...

Here it is!
I just saw it yesterday, but be careful, because when I first saw it it was in an adorable picture of this guy with his no-longer-in-her-um-thirties wife. Love that in this pic he's holding what is probably actually a shovel handle, but looks like it could easily be a cane.

My DH is two years younger than I am for the week between my birthday and his. He loves that week. I feel your pain.

Anonymous said...

It looks like the url didn't all make it. Go to
click "men" in the sidebar, and head to page 2.

Yarnhog said...

Well...when my husband tweaked me about turning...let's just say "older" on my last birthday, I got even with him a month later on his by giving him his own, spanking new AARP card. (He qualifies, barely, but was horrified to realize it. In an odd twist of fate, as his spouse, I automatically became a member, too, and have my very own AARP card--in my thirties. Go figure. I'm a little afraid to use it, though, for fear no one will question it.)

Crowzma said...

He's alive? You left him living? When you had a knitting needle in your hand?? I'm impressed.

Anonymous said...


Mother of Chaos said...

Eee! Cricket, that vest is *perfect*! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

Barb Outside Boston said...

I LOVE Skye Tweed! I made a Rogue with it, and I'm going to use my stash of it (nothing but knitting from stash as the NASDAQ has now lost 50% in a year)to make the Manchester Jacket, just because the model is young and cute!

Unknown said...

I share your blog with my husband, because we love your style of humor. Well, he's not so very hip on blog acronyms, so before I read him the post I asked if he knew what DH stood for. He immediately offered _ick Head? I laughed until tears ran down my cheeks. It took awhile, but I was finally able to share the post and we then looked at the vest on interweave. Too funny!~!~!

Rachel said...

Oh oh oh! That's so funny.

Science PhD Mom said...

Hahahahahaha!! Oh the smart arse DH comments are the best for blogging. Thanks for sharing.