Friday, January 18, 2008

Like I needed more proof

I think I have already pretty well established the fact that I am a major dork. So many incidents, so little bandwidth on the Internet to share them all with you.

And yet, I just added yet another fact to the great library of Facts Proving Tama Is A Serious Dork.

I was flipping through Frozen Assets: Cook for a Day, Eat for a Month (no, that isn’t the dork part) and found the following tip:

“To cut down on tears when chopping large quantities of onions, the easiest and most effective thing to do is to use your food processor…” Yeah, that’s great, if you HAVE a food processor, which Your Faithful Correspondent does NOT “Other suggestions include wearing swimming goggles…”

Yeah, this is where my dork factor took another major twitch upward on the scale.

I threw back my head and shrieked, “OH MY GAWD, THAT IS SO BRILLIANT!!”

And then I interrupted my husband at work to tell him how brilliant this is.

And then I interrupted YOUR day to tell YOU how brilliant this is.

Now on the one hand, I admit that the idea of standing in my kitchen wearing swimming goggles while dicing onions gives me a twinge of this is SO not runway material fashion-guilt. It also makes me giggle uncontrollably and wish I had flippers and water wings to wear as well.

Because that would be funny. And also because I am a dork. Maybe I should look into snorkeling attire…heh…cutting onions in a full diving suit? Heh heh heh…

On the other hand…people…I diced fifteen onions before starting the last big cooking day. FIFTEEN ONIONS.

My eyeballs filed for a legal separation. They tried to jump right out of my head and get on a Greyhound bus to anywhere. By the time I got to the sixth onion, I was already working completely blinded by a waterfall of tears; which, when what one is doing is slicing up a slippery round vegetable with a recently sharpened Wusthof chef’s knife, is not exactly the brightest thing to be doing.

Swimming goggles.

So. Brilliant.


Anonymous said...

I have a pair of swimming goggles in the kitchen for just that purpose. My husband laughs his ass off every time. I've been using them for years, ever since I took up swimming *l*

I also used to keep a pair danging from my rearview mirror when I lived on a coastal town with lots of bridges. I was so terrified that my car would go in the water and I wouldn't be able to see anything. Ummmmmm. . yeah. Paranoid.

Siercia said...

That is so brilliant, I may just have to try it. My eyes are so bad - I don't actually get tears or cry, they just hurt and hurt and hurt when I have to chop them.

I have a food processor, but who wants to pull out the processor for 2 onions? This is a much easier solution.

buffi said...

You know, I've had that thought about using goggles,but I can't get past the dork factor. But if I was facing FIFTEEN onions? Screw it, dorkville here I come!

Just hope Clinton and Stacey don't show up and see your fashion "don't."

Anonymous said...

Love it. Just love it. That really is brilliant.

marit said...

Brilliant. And it works. My 15-yearold son uses them every time he is chopping onions. He looks ridicolous... But it works:-)

RM Kahn said...

Makes me wonder how many takes those folks on the Food network have to do while chopping onions?

What a great idea and so much easier to do then some of the other remedies I have heard of. Like chopping onions with a piece of bread hanging out of your mouth. Egads!

Kris said...

Sounds like a great idea. Too bad I already wear glasses and the thought of chopping onions without my glasses is scary!

Kris said... why haven't I heard of this before? I'm totally buying some swimming goggles.

Louiz said...

Chop the onions in a bowl of water. Less dork and more spill factor, but it also works.

MadMad said...

LOL! I was just about to post a comment on your post on freezing meals, when I saw this and thought it was even more helpful! Wow! Why didn't I think of this before?! That is the best! My eyes sting so much when I cut onions it can't even be called crying! I can't wait to try this!