Friday, January 18, 2008

Like I needed more proof

I think I have already pretty well established the fact that I am a major dork. So many incidents, so little bandwidth on the Internet to share them all with you.

And yet, I just added yet another fact to the great library of Facts Proving Tama Is A Serious Dork.

I was flipping through Frozen Assets: Cook for a Day, Eat for a Month (no, that isn’t the dork part) and found the following tip:

“To cut down on tears when chopping large quantities of onions, the easiest and most effective thing to do is to use your food processor…” Yeah, that’s great, if you HAVE a food processor, which Your Faithful Correspondent does NOT “Other suggestions include wearing swimming goggles…”

Yeah, this is where my dork factor took another major twitch upward on the scale.

I threw back my head and shrieked, “OH MY GAWD, THAT IS SO BRILLIANT!!”

And then I interrupted my husband at work to tell him how brilliant this is.

And then I interrupted YOUR day to tell YOU how brilliant this is.

Now on the one hand, I admit that the idea of standing in my kitchen wearing swimming goggles while dicing onions gives me a twinge of this is SO not runway material fashion-guilt. It also makes me giggle uncontrollably and wish I had flippers and water wings to wear as well.

Because that would be funny. And also because I am a dork. Maybe I should look into snorkeling attire…heh…cutting onions in a full diving suit? Heh heh heh…

On the other hand…people…I diced fifteen onions before starting the last big cooking day. FIFTEEN ONIONS.

My eyeballs filed for a legal separation. They tried to jump right out of my head and get on a Greyhound bus to anywhere. By the time I got to the sixth onion, I was already working completely blinded by a waterfall of tears; which, when what one is doing is slicing up a slippery round vegetable with a recently sharpened Wusthof chef’s knife, is not exactly the brightest thing to be doing.

Swimming goggles.

So. Brilliant.

10 comments:

Carrie said...

I have a pair of swimming goggles in the kitchen for just that purpose. My husband laughs his ass off every time. I've been using them for years, ever since I took up swimming *l*

I also used to keep a pair danging from my rearview mirror when I lived on a coastal town with lots of bridges. I was so terrified that my car would go in the water and I wouldn't be able to see anything. Ummmmmm. . yeah. Paranoid.

Siercia said...

That is so brilliant, I may just have to try it. My eyes are so bad - I don't actually get tears or cry, they just hurt and hurt and hurt when I have to chop them.

I have a food processor, but who wants to pull out the processor for 2 onions? This is a much easier solution.

buffi said...

You know, I've had that thought about using goggles,but I can't get past the dork factor. But if I was facing FIFTEEN onions? Screw it, dorkville here I come!

Just hope Clinton and Stacey don't show up and see your fashion "don't."

Steph B said...

Love it. Just love it. That really is brilliant.

marit said...

Brilliant. And it works. My 15-yearold son uses them every time he is chopping onions. He looks ridicolous... But it works:-)

RM Kahn said...

Makes me wonder how many takes those folks on the Food network have to do while chopping onions?

What a great idea and so much easier to do then some of the other remedies I have heard of. Like chopping onions with a piece of bread hanging out of your mouth. Egads!

Kris said...

Sounds like a great idea. Too bad I already wear glasses and the thought of chopping onions without my glasses is scary!

Kris said...

Okay...now why haven't I heard of this before? I'm totally buying some swimming goggles.

Louiz said...

Chop the onions in a bowl of water. Less dork and more spill factor, but it also works.

MadMad said...

LOL! I was just about to post a comment on your post on freezing meals, when I saw this and thought it was even more helpful! Wow! Why didn't I think of this before?! That is the best! My eyes sting so much when I cut onions it can't even be called crying! I can't wait to try this!