I think I have already pretty well established the fact that I am a major dork. So many incidents, so little bandwidth on the Internet to share them all with you.
And yet, I just added yet another fact to the great library of Facts Proving Tama Is A Serious Dork.
I was flipping through Frozen Assets: Cook for a Day, Eat for a Month (no, that isn’t the dork part) and found the following tip:
“To cut down on tears when chopping large quantities of onions, the easiest and most effective thing to do is to use your food processor…” Yeah, that’s great, if you HAVE a food processor, which Your Faithful Correspondent does NOT “Other suggestions include wearing swimming goggles…”
Yeah, this is where my dork factor took another major twitch upward on the scale.
I threw back my head and shrieked, “OH MY GAWD, THAT IS SO BRILLIANT!!”
And then I interrupted my husband at work to tell him how brilliant this is.
And then I interrupted YOUR day to tell YOU how brilliant this is.
Now on the one hand, I admit that the idea of standing in my kitchen wearing swimming goggles while dicing onions gives me a twinge of this is SO not runway material fashion-guilt. It also makes me giggle uncontrollably and wish I had flippers and water wings to wear as well.
Because that would be funny. And also because I am a dork. Maybe I should look into snorkeling attire…heh…cutting onions in a full diving suit? Heh heh heh…
On the other hand…people…I diced fifteen onions before starting the last big cooking day. FIFTEEN ONIONS.
My eyeballs filed for a legal separation. They tried to jump right out of my head and get on a Greyhound bus to anywhere. By the time I got to the sixth onion, I was already working completely blinded by a waterfall of tears; which, when what one is doing is slicing up a slippery round vegetable with a recently sharpened Wusthof chef’s knife, is not exactly the brightest thing to be doing.
C. E. Montague
1 day ago