Saturday, January 26, 2008

I am so cold…

…I am actually tempted to buy knitwear.

Even though I am a somewhat accomplished knitter and could so totally make anything Old Navy can throw at me with what I already have in my stash THIS VERY INSTANT, I am so cold right now that I could totally plop down $30, $40, even $50 for a warm hat and scarf that is ready for me to wear RIGHT IMMEDIATELY NOW.

Thank Gawd the mall closes at 9:00, I think is what I’m saying right now.

What pushes this past being just a little sad and well into the realms of Pathetic is that it isn’t even really THAT cold. It’s 50 degrees in the house right now. Even I have to admit that 50 degrees ain’t cold. Here in northern-central California, it isn’t “cold” until it drops below 35. THEN we start saying, “Whoa, dude, is it me? Or is it, like, cold-and-some-junk?”

We don’t start really talking about how cold it is until we have our annual freeze. And even then, mostly we aren’t talking about how cold it is, we’re talking about all our new neighbors who thought that by moving into California from {any other state except Hawaii}, they would never, ever, EVER have to deal with actual Weather again. And then they woke up one morning and their pipes had burst because the people who build houses around here are also from Michigan and thought that houses in California would never, ever have to deal with temperatures below 70-something.

Now, I know you’re saying to yourself, “I hate this woman so much…I have not seen the sun in fifteen years and it is approximately four hundred degrees below ABSOLUTE ZERO in my house right now and I have to walk my children to and from school uphill both ways through the PERMA-FRICKIN-FROST every single day because Snow Days are against the school zombie’s religion and if it weren’t for the fact that a one bedroom house in any ghetto of California costs $1,200,250,999.29, I would SO TOTALLY move out there just so I could kick her hot-house BUTT Oh my gawrsh, is this woman actually saying that she has been knitting for {mumble} years and has never knit herself a hat and scarf?”

Oh, I have knit myself hats. IN FACT, I have knit myself three (3) hats this year alone!

Eldest has been wearing one day and night for weeks. It is “elfish”, she tells me. Uh, OK.

Danger Mouse took the other and is quite pleased with it. She says it goes with her glasses, and really, I can’t argue with her.

And yes, Boo Bug has the third. She wears it about 30% of the time, and her dolls wear it the other 70%.

And by “dolls”, I mean Donald Duck.

Ya. The NON-COLD-FEELING anger-management-skills-impaired AND BY THE WAY STUFFED Disney character gets to wear a nice warm hat, while I’m out there shivering my dandruff off waiting for his owner to get out of Kindertime (the kindergarten after-school program).

I also do not own a “real” jacket. You know, one that will repel wind, rain and, oh, I dunno, coldness? I have a couple sweaters and a light fleece jacket, and a couple “dressy” jackets that are totally stylish, which will be great when I freeze to death. “Oh look, it appears this poor woman froze to death while waiting for her children in front of the school”, the first police officer will say. “Yes, and look how stylish she is!” the other will reply, admiring my sliming, but poorly insulated, suede jacket.

Do you know why I do not own a good, warm jacket?

Because! I have yarn! And I am going to knit myself a steeked cardigan out of good, doubled Merino any day now!! Which makes shelling out $100 (or more) for a decent wind-repelling, cold-thwarting, rain-shedding parka seem, heh heh, kinda silly, huh?

I’m also going to make myself a(nother) hat. Soon.

Which will probably end up on Stitch.


You know when I’m going to get around to making myself some nice warm things? IN AUGUST. When I can barely handle the mere thought of knitting with wool, because it is 115 degrees outside…


Anonymous said...

LOLOL I understand! One of my first attempts at knitting in the round wound up being a teddy-bear hat - when it wasn't being used to torment the (bizarrely patient) cat. At least Donald's stylin', eh? Of course, I had to actually buy "booties" for my dog this week, because it's been so stinking cold here that when I take her out the snow freezes between her toes and she can't walk. Yeah. Michigan weather. It's snowed every day for a week now. Wanta switch for a bit? I've got some nice warm coats you can borrow....

RM Kahn said...

50 degrees is freezing, Our house is 65 and I am still freezing. I am usually scraping ice off my car windows in the morning here. The only time I am warm is about 3 hours into my sleep time I am cursed with night sweats and kick all the blankets off!

Very Herodotus said...

Is your furnace broken or something?

HDW said...

I understand it is so cold. snotsicles form the instant you walk outside.....the windchill is below he!! freezing is cold, but then again what do I expect I live in maine....:) Please keep making me smile

Yarnhog said...

'K. You got me. First belly laugh of the day. Thanks!

ellipsisknits said...

Yeah, I'm gonna go with that crossed out section, otherwise known as 'you can bite my -11F midwestern rear'. The recent temperatures here did not go through the approval process, and should be rescinded post-haste.

On a better note, I really liked the sweater yesterday. Are you going to be ravelry-ing it so I can add it to my queue?


Shelly said...

I am so with you on this! I haven't had a wool coat in 25 years. 25 years, because I have wool. Not only to I have stash, I spin my own. From my own animals. So of course it is impossible for me to buy myself a coat. Until last week. I bought two cabled sweaters and a wool coat. Mwahahaha.

patrice said...

I'm totally with you on this "cold" weather in CA - my blood is so thin I'm putting on mittens when it's 55 out - my back-East relatives shake their heads in disbelief. Bring back the sun!!
How did Captain Adventure's appt. go? Thinking good thoughts from cold San Diego...

Anonymous said...

OMG. This was tremendous.
I need do no more ab-work today, laughing at your post gave me enough of a work out (thank you).
And 50 degrees is freezing when you're inside.
Turn on the heat!
And steal the hat back... no Disney critter needs your hat that badly.
Except maybe Stitch, but he has the spare hands to swipe it back with.