Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Speaking of progress…

We are taking a drastic step for my back. This is truly avant-garde. Out on a limb medicine ahead. I know there are many of you out there who will be deeply, deeply alarmed by what we intend to try here; those with sensitive stomachs may wish to leave the Internet at this time.

So, thus far Himself had given me Celebrex (I am the first person he has ever known to get an upset stomach from Celebrex) which did nothing, and the Elavil worked well for my insomnia the first couple nights and then stopped working, and also the hydrocodone, while nice for a buzz and all, likewise didn’t do much for the actual discomfort. It just makes me, you know, happier to be uncomfortable. Which is better than nothing but still – not great.

Conventionally speaking, our next step would be to try another combination of medications. Up the dosage of the Elavil to try to get an end-run around the insomnia issues, and perhaps bump the pain killer up to percocet, try some other anti-inflammatory medications, actually go to the steroids or something.

Instead, we’re going to take a few weeks and try something revolutionary. You’ve probably never heard of it. It’s really off the grid. He had to explain it several times, slowly, using small words before I finally understood what he was talking about.

It’s called “diet and exercise”.

I know. Virtually unheard of, these days. But apparently there are medical mavericks out there using these two things to treat everything from raging obesity to mild depression!

Who. Knew?!

So I’m trading my physical therapist for a personal trainer, who is to kick my lazy butt into gear encourage me to get working on my overall body-tone. Which, by the way, is non-existent right now. I have all the muscle tone of a dead jellyfish. Go ahead. Feel that bicep. {squip!} Yeah, that’s right – solid flab, that’s what that is right there.

I’m supposed to get a daily exercise program. Daily. No, I don’t know how and when either, but the man did not say it was going to be easy. Neither are taking medications with labels on them warning you to not drive or operate heavy machinery while taking them – how am I supposed to get through a day on those things? “Oh, ya, officer, it totally sez I shouldn’t, like, drive and some junk? But I’ve got to go pick up MY KIDS right now, so, well, ya, ya know?”

I’m also to start working on a diet makeover, cutting out fast and processed foods and odd eating schedules, substituting actual breakfast-snack-lunch-snack-dinner, with planned portions instead of the ‘eh, I’m kinda hungry, what have I got in the fridge today’ method I currently use for everything but dinner.

Oh. And water. I’m supposed to drink actual water. I was shocked to discover that the ice cubes in my vodka and cranberry do not count toward my daily water consumption. Humph! I think he’s just making that up, but I’m too polite to actually call him on it.

We’re giving this three weeks to show some good results; I actually expect it will. There’s nothing really wrong with me; it isn’t like I had some kind of sudden trauma (like, slamming into a tree while high on codeine) or massive spine defect or have organs failing or anything. It’s just…bad habits finally catching up to me, taking advantage of small cracks to make bigger problems.

With any luck, a good dose of plain old common sense will have me back to Denizen Herding before they know what hit them.

And fitting back into my jeans without all this overhang wouldn’t suck, either.


RM Kahn said...

Bravo for you! Check out a chiropractor too. I swear by them.

buffi said...

That is crazy -- CRAZY, I tell you. Diet? And exercise? What kind of kooky witch doctor are you seeing anyway? Everybody knows that percocet is the only way to go for pain like that. The way you are going, you might be like, physically fit or something! Don't betray us that way, Tama!!

Marianne said...

Good luck!

I've also heard great things about Yoga for back issues, just as a suggestion.

I'd recommend a website called Sparkpeople (free type of Weight Watchers online kind pf program) if you want a web-tracker to track your progress. I lost 20 lbs using it.

Janyne Kizer said...

Congratulations on your willingness to give this a whirl. I'm sure that you'll keep us posted!

Science PhD Mom said...

Hey, good luck with all that. I have to say a personal trainer worked for me...back when I was working full-time and could afford one! I hope you find eating, you know, regular meals helps you out, too. I just have to remind myself that chocolate is not a snack...chocolate covered almonds...well... ;)

21stCenturyMom said...

You looked kind of little to me so I don't get the weight part but good for you for tackling what ails you with exercise and diet. Good stuff!

Also, I would think that a person who makes her own bread and who does fancy Sonoma diet thingies shouldn't have too much trouble with this.

Anonymous said... and exercise, huh? Radical, dude! :-) Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Pilates. Ask my sister. Ha ha, don't ask me, I don't do that stuff they call exercise. It makes me, you know, sweat. Ew.

Kidding! Try the 10 minute workout videos. They're great when you don't have a lot of time.

I hope it works out and you feel better!

Yarnhog said...

Laughing out loud, here! Good for you. Exercise really is the magic pill everyone is looking for. It just takes longer to swallow.

Susan said...

Good heavens! Not the diet and exercise cure!! What is modern medicine coming to?

I asked my Gastroenterologist once for diet recommendations to handle my Crohn's disease symptoms and got a big fat "If it upsets your stomach, don't eat it."

Well, DUH! I think that was the precise moment I gave up on Western medicine. So, there's absolutely no correlation between what I eat and my DIGESTIVE DISORDER?

Yah. Right.