My hair looks awesome.
I became aware of this late this afternoon, when I went to wash my hands after a late lunch and glanced in the mirror for a damage report.
As someone whose fur usually resembles that of a drowned rat, you can imagine my surprise when standing there in the mirror was a woman with cascading ripples of russet perfection. It tumbled with a kind of devil-may-care lightness around my shoulders. “Curls?” it seemed to say. “What curls? Oh! These old things? Darling, I’ve had them just forever!”
They bounced. They waved. They hugged my shoulders in graceful drape. They looked like I had gotten them trimmed sometime this decade. In short, they had verve, something an awful lot of hair products have promised me but never actually delivered. My hair usually only looks like this for about two hours after I’ve shelled out $85 for a professional to color, cut and style it for me. And it takes them five different hair unguents and a welding torch to make it stay for that long.
This style apparently arranged itself (because I assure you, after I sprayed Herbal Essence Super Hold hairspray into my eyes, I did not spend another nanosecond trying to do anything with it) at some point this morning, and has been waiting all day for me to discover it.
I can tell by the way it is pretending that it always looks like this that it is very, very pleased with the way I yelped, “Oh. My. DAWG! My hair looks fantastic!!!”
If I had only known my hair was going to be like this today, I would have called in too sexy for work and gone out into the world. Nobly. For the benefit of mankind. So that everyone could bask in the warm glow of one of only about three Perfect Hair™ days I have ever enjoyed.
Oh well. At least I can carve my mark in the Internet. On this day, June 7, 2006, I had for a brief and shining few hours…Perfect Hair™.
Marquis de Vauvenargues
7 hours ago