Thursday, March 16, 2006

Disquiet of the Brain

I have this feeling today. I feel as though…if I were a decent and honest person…I would call in…hmm.

Not exactly sick, although I did have a bout of the Something last night (long story short – the Something is a Mystery Ailment that has been impacting my digestive life in a very unpleasant and recurrent way since the start of the year) so my entire stomach area feels like someone spent the night hitting me with the business end of a pole.

But unfortunately, it doesn't hurt enough that I can't work. Or even enough to be why I'm suffering my real problem. Which would be…an utter inability to get my arms around the concept of getting something done today.

I'm having one of those days where I have read the same email at least five times, and still – it might as well be written in Finnish. I can understand all the words. And I have a ghostly feeling that I know what it is they're saying to me, and what I am supposed to be doing in regards to said email.

But then I go to, you know, do it…and it's gone.

Back to the email. Read the email. Oh yes, I was going to {alt-Tab to other application} stare at application screen…what the heck was I going to do? {alt-Tab back to email}…got it!…{alt-Tab!}…duuuuh… {alt-Tab!}…got it!…{alt-Tab!}… duuuUUUUUuuuuh…{alt-Tab!}…

I'm trying. I really am. All blog-posting-in-the-middle-of-what-is-supposed-to-be-a-working-morning evidence to the contrary, I really truly am trying my best to get my head out of whatever null-zone it has found and back into the job for which I am being paid.

But I still think, if I were an honest person, I would email my coworkers and boss and say something like, "I'm, uh, not feeling quite up to par today {fake cough here}. I'm going to go ahead and take a sick day and hope to be back online tomorrow."

Because I'm starting to fear that if I do manage to get something done on any of the three tasks I wanted to get handled today…it will be wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. A waste of my time and their money.

And yet, undaunted…I'm going back to that infernal email again. Maybe this time, I'll be able to hold onto the questions therein long enough to write a stupid query to answer them…

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