Saturday, June 20, 2009

…uh…not…exactly…

Friday afternoon, the cat threw up in my closet.

Noisily.

Captain Adventure happened to be in my bedroom at the time. Because I happened to be in my bedroom, and whither I go, there likewise go-eth The Boy.

Someday, I shall look back on these days with fondness, sigh heavily and say, “I surely do miss those days, when he was semi-permanently attached to my hip and lo! I could not go forth even unto le potty without his constant loving attention, his sweet little arms wrapped around my neck, his shrill tender voice screeching crooning, ‘Good job, mommy! You go POTTY!’ in my ear!”

And I shall conveniently forget that actually, it was a royal pain in the neck.

But I digress. SO, the cat was in my closet making with the lovely noises. HrrrrrUCK! HrrrrrUCK! HrrrrrrrrUCK-uck-uck-{ack!}-glooooop {repeat, repeat, repeat…}

Captain Adventure started to run to her, bellowing, “Oh! Wat HE doin’, mommy?!”

I tackled him, because the only thing worst than a cat puking in your closet is a cat puking while running through the house in an attempt to escape the four year old. Ask me how I know. (If you dare.)

And then we stood there and watched her bring up several pieces of houseplant. (Grrrrrr…!)

Captain Adventure asked about ten times what the cat was doing. I would say, “She is throwing up, honey. She ate some of my house plants (grrrrr!), so now she’s throwing up.”

The part where I said, “You dumb-ass!” to the cat was purely inside my head, you understand. But as she speaks mental telepathy just fine, she heard me loud and clear. (And probably went to puke under some piece of furniture on the carpet downstairs, because she also speaks fluent @*^&@ You, Human.)

Each time I’d answer in this way, Captain Adventure would immediately say, “Nooooooo…wat HE doin’, mommy?”

And then…just when I was about to snarl, “She. Is. Too. Throwing. Up. Sweetie!”…

…he said…

“Nooooo, mommy! He had him song in him tummy! And now it come’d out!”

{blink, blink} Wait, him, er, she had a what-now in her which-where?

And then…it hit me…



Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… Not, ahem, not exactly, honey…

(I love Laurie Berkner. I’ve loved her stuff since I first saw her stuff on Noggin back in 19-I-forget. Her albums are on the very short list of things the kids will want to listen to in the car that doesn’t make me want to pack my ear canals with floor-score French fries. Also, she was good to my favorite Queen Teen, which is a great way to get on my “Awesome People” list.)

7 comments:

Steph B said...

First time I ever heard hairball/houseplant/catpuke called a "song in he tummy", but hey, if it works for the Boy - !! That is too funny. Cute video, too.

Josie said...

I *love* Laurie Berkner! So much better than our other options -- Wiggles, anyone? I will be so sad the day when my kids are too grown up to want to listen to her music -- I remember sitting with one kid on each leg (now they're 6 and 3) watching the videos to her songs over and over on the Noggin website...

Donna W. said...

My kids are now all in their 20s and I still occasionally pop Heather Bishop's "Belly Button" into the CD player "just because." Definitely kids' music that grown-ups can enjoy too!

Lisa said...

Your kid is brilliant. But you've figured that out already, right? Personally, I prefer that people (and cats)keep their songs in their tummies where they belong.

I can't wait until you put this whole thing in book form. It will be excellent.

Medusa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
terena said...

Laurie Berkner is my hero! But I think you've ruined the song for me. Now when I hear it, I'll think of cat vomit.

I can't wait to read the book too ;-)

mamabear said...

I couldn't stop laughing when I read your description of the chase. I am never fast enough and with three cats, statistics say that every once in awhile I will arrive just as the "present" is laid out on the carpet for me!