Why is it that my children cannot go five freakin’ seconds without needing something?
I wanted to take a shower. My first shower in three days. Is that so hard a thing to want? A shower? Just one? So I put on a Dora DVD for Dora’s #1 Fan (a.k.a. Captain Adventure, who has actually run up and kissed the screen when Dora came on), and set the other three down with video games and ran like mad for the shower.
About eight seconds into my shower, someone is banging on the bathroom door.
“WHAT?!” I shrieked. (In the most loving way possible, I assure you.)
“Murphle mumble barrifa butt!”
“Whaaaaat?” I can’t even tell which one it is…
“MURPHLE MUMBLE BARRIFA BUTT!”
Inside head: @*^&@!!! I mean @*^&@ and @*^@& and %%%%% and @*^&!
“MOMMMMEEEEEEEEEE! Murphle MUMBLE barrifa BUTT!!”
So I turned off the water, got out of the shower, turned off the bathroom fan and said again, “What?!”
“Mommy, my game is paused.”
(So is mommy’s brain. What the hell is she babbling about? And what the double hell does she expect me to do about it right immediately now?!)
Having run my first eleven responses through the “should I actually use those precise words when speaking to one of my children” filter and come up dry, I finally managed to say, “Honey. I.
“Oh.” Philosophical silence from Boo Bug. “But, my game is paused.”
You know…my children are not disabled. They have no mental or physical defects that render them incapable of restarting a paused game. Shoot, this particular child has two older siblings, right next to her, who are fully capable of hitting the ‘pause’ key again and restarting the flibberity-gibbery game.
She must come all the way upstairs to report the issue to tech support.
Fortunately, children heal quickly. So I’m sure the blisters on her little ears will be gone by morning…
Thomas A. Edison
22 hours ago