Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Things that go ‘Mommy!’ in the night

{pitter-patter-pitter-patter} {creeeeeeeak of the door opening up}

Intense whisper: Mommy!

Mommy: {snork?!}

Intense whisper: Mommy…I can’t get to sleep!

Mommy: Ungh? {a glance at the alarm clock reveals the time to be 1:03 a.m.}

Intense whisper: I keep trying to sleep but I can’t and then I just lie there, awake, and I can’t sleep!

Mommy: Ohferloveofchristophercolumbus GET OUT OF HERE!!!!

{pitter-patter-pitter-patter} {creeeeeeeak of the door closing again}

{time passes}

{pitter-patter-pitter-patter} {creeeeeeeak of the door opening up}

Intense whisper: Mommy!

Mommy: {SNORK?!} {1:23 a.m.}

Intense whisper: Mommy, I still can’t…

Mommy: Oh no. No. You are not waking me up to tell me you can’t sleep. No. This is not happening. I mean, what kind of logic is that? Gee, I can’t get to sleep – I KNOW! Let’s go wake up EVERYBODY ELSE in the house, and tell them I can’t sleep! That’s just brilliant, that’s just feckin’ brilliant. Whaddya want me to DO about it, anyway? What? What do you think I’m going to be able to do about YOU not being able to sleep? I can’t MAKE you sleep! I can’t give you a sleep-pill OH LORD IF ONLY!, no! No I can’t! There is NOTHING I can do about you and your sleep-not-able-ness right now. Waking me up for “I can’t sleep” this is just {mommy begins to slowly sputter into silence}

{there is silence for an instant, into which Daddy speaks}

Daddy: Go back to bed and stay there.

Intense whisper: OK.

{silence falls over the Den for the remainder of the night}

Moral of the Story: At 1:23 in the morning, blathering on and on about logic, cause and effect, etc., to the insomniac preschooler is really not helpful. They aren’t listening under the best of conditions and in the lack of clear direction will continue pestering you. Just tell the kid to go back to bed, and stay there. This they can understand.


Kris said...

LOL - been there. I usually resort to the old stand by in that case - benedryl!

wrnglrjan said...

"Munchkin, what's the rule if it's time to be in bed and you're not sleepy?"

"I can look at some books"

Lord help me if the next child is not such a sucker for 'the rule'.

froggiemeanie said...

I hear ya. My eldest kept lollygagging at the mall yesterday and actually got separated from me for a few seconds. I picked her up and gave her a huuuuuuge lecture about getting lost and Mommy being sad and how someone else might take her (I was desparate...scare tactics seemed appropriate). She looked at me and said "I see ice cream over there...can I have some? Can I?". In the end, "Hold my hand and don't let go" would have been better for both of us (but mostly me).

buffi said...

Were you in my house Monday night? Because this is almost exactly what occurred except that it was the 10 year old and I could lecture her! But then I realized that I was far too tired and told her to go read. The second time I told her to take my little electronic solitaire game and play until she fell asleep.

Geez! What is WRONG with these people?!

Amy Lane said...

ahhh... and letting them crawl between you to sleep is just paving the way for a loooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggggggggggg dry spell.

Rabbitch said...

Oh god. You're me, aren't you? Admit it!

Jen said...

Your kid and my kid have got to be related. I do this most nights with my 9-year-old.