Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Attached at the hip

Hi! I’m back! Didja miss me?! I took a three day weekend, went to Arizona, had a great old time driving around and bouncing off the locked doors of yarn stores (what the @*^&@? I mean! They were supposed to be open, yet they were not? Not one (1) of the four (4) I tried to visit?! ARGH!!).

It was marvelous. I got to really relax and kind of…well. Drop everything, and then decide what pieces of psychic junk I was going to leave on the ground and what I was going to pick back up again. The noise inside my own skull resembled descriptions I’ve heard of tornados – like a freight train was running, running, running inside my head all the time.

Recharged, I came back and was instantly plunged back into laundry, filth-removal, email and oh yeah, dealing with the Denizens.

One Denizen in particular was not happy about me taking a solo trip. I had no prior authorization. It was not an OK thing for me to do. We have policies! We have procedures! We have terms and conditions! And they go like this: The Mommy is not allowed to leave her precious son for any reason whatsoever. The precious son must be taken with her everywhere she goes, preferably slung on her hip like an overgrown tumor, forever and ever, hallelujah, amen.

The girls hardly seemed to notice I’d gone. But Captain Adventure has literally not willingly let me out of his sight since I got him out of his crib yesterday morning. He is sitting in my room right now, making sure I don’t go anywhere. I just got back from the bathroom, which I dodged into like a jailbird going over the wall.

I locked the door. Because, you know.

I work alone.

Whenever possible, anyway.

Before I could unbutton my jeans, the handle was being yanked from the outside and a little voice was wailing, “Mommmmmmmmmeeeeeee! Mommmmmeeeeeee! Mommy, no-no! Mommy! In! UGH-UGH-UGH! MOMMMMEEEEE! AAAAAAAAAH! WAH! WAH! AAUGH IN IN IN MOMMEEE I WAN’ SOME IN *sob sob sob*!!!!!”


Attachment issues, much?!

It would be flattering if it were not so profoundly annoying. Every time I sit down today, he climbs up in my lap. Every time I get up, he grabs hold of my hand or my belt loop or the end of my shirt and holds on to make absolutely sure I don’t actually go anywhere. He wants to be right in the middle of whatever I’m doing. He wants to have my attention at all times. I’d swear he’s even trying to be more interesting to me – he started bringing me balls of red yarn. All the red yarn he could find in the “open stack” stash, he was bringing over to me. “’Ere you go!” {toddle, toddle, dig, dig, toddle, toddle} “’Ere! ‘Ere you go! Mommy! ‘Ere!”

What is it they say about deepening bonds in a relationship? “Take an interest in each other’s hobbies”? Look, mommy, I’ve brought you yarn! Which is your hobby! I am interested in red! Come, let us discuss our mutual interest in red yarn…at exhaustive length…

Honestly, none of the other Denizens were this level of momma’s child. This is actually a touch disturbing to me; I mean, I’m gratified that my adoration is apparently returned, but at the same time…uh, dude? Little space, please?

It’s hard to remember that someday, someday pretty darned soon, he’s going to be turning to me with a pained expression and saying, “Mom, puh-LEEZE! Could you, like, drop me off around the corner? I don’t want to be seen in public with you!” That someday, I’m going to look back on these baby years and sniffle for the closeness we once shared.

I’m sure I will. Someday.

But for this precise moment: GET OFF ME, DAWG! DOWN! BACK! SIT! STAY!

Oh yeah. That worked. He is at this moment climbing up my leg. Argh. OK. That’s it.

I didn’t want to do this. But! Desperate times, people, call for desperate measures…and there is laundry that needs to be put away.

I’m putting on Go, Diego, Go!.

Don’t look at me like that.

It could have been one of the ‘older’ Baby Einsteins. See? Are you not now feeling the love for baby jaguar? C’mon! Sing it with me!! Awwwwwwwwwwwwww, RESCUE PACK! Comin’ to the rescue!


Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh, you've got one too? Your very own human-shaped leech? Eegads, but they're tough to lose! Hang in there, though, the attachment does loosen in time. Today the leech refused to hold my hand in the mall, a major step for him. We will not discuss the leech's age, as this would embarrass him. (Or maybe we should...hmm...) And I have absolute respect for your chosen method of distancing. As you said, desperate times!

RM Kahn said...

Welcome back!

buffi said...

No. Really? Diego? Seriously. I cannot handle that kid. I'll take Little Einsteins any day.

Bug is my little velcro boy these days. I'm just waiting for his Daddy to get back so that that attachment can be transferred. I pray

Moorecat said...

I had an interesting chat with Dash (5 3/4yo DS) this week. He didn't want me to go out to dinner with my Mums' group girls.

So I said, "OK, but you don't get to go to Georgia's party this weekend. I'd miss you too much."

It seems fair _is_ fair ;D

Jen said...

Glad you had some time off. Too bad about the yarn stores, though.

I had a little one like captain Adventure once. She would have a total meltdown if I so much as went upstairs to take a shower. And this started with birth! No one could hold her but me and if I had to help her older sister with something she would she would fall apart. When she was 4 her younger sister was born she magically became independant... she told me she wasn't the baby anymore and became a bit of a mother hen to her little sister. Now she's 13 and not a momma's girl at all. She prefers fishing with her dad or hanging out with her friends. So even though it's difficult to get stuff done (like breathing, etc) enjoy the little guy while you can. You'll miss him when he's 13. :)

p.s. This was not a lecture. I totally understand what it's like. LOL

Anonymous said...

Al rescate!

wrnglrjan said...

Yes, I missed you. And can totally related on the Velcro kid.

The longest I've been away from the Munchkin is a 30ish hour getaway with the Hubby late in the Little Dude pregnancy.

Of course I was in the hospital for 3 days when he was born, but she came to visit. And it was six months before she wanted to let me out of her sight again ...

She's my first, though, so I don't really know anything different, ya know? I'm kind of used to it, and I can definitely see how I'll miss it when she grows out of it.

I wouldn't, however, object to a tear-free morning send-off to work now and then.

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah, had one of those myself. My daughter was like that for a couple of years. Drove me CRAZY...I used to just hope for a little time before bed so I could decompress alone! Now daughter is 13 and would just as soon I didn't even come home if it weren't for, you know, bringing food and paying for the computer access and cable TV.

I did find that it helped her if I really, REALLY paid attention to her while she was stalking, um, I mean being with me. I don't know if that would work with someone as young as Captain Adventure, though.

Good luck!

Amy Lane said...

OKay... we bought the Cave Troll the official Rescue Pack...it sings the song and everything. He promptly lost all the stuff that went into it, and then stuffed it full of the 'Surf's Up' happy meal toys.

go Diego, go!

Sorry about the attachment issues, dude--I've done that bathroom thing, it's rough!

froggiemeanie said...

A zipcord, a snowboard, whatever you need....

Peace and quiet is worth every Meow-row and CLICK and nagging from that sister of his.

Anonymous said...

I hit my lowest point when my youngest (another velcro baby) was about six months old, and I managed to get him to sleep somewhere other than ON ME. I snuck off to the bathroom, and thirty seconds later the shrieking starts (you know, the kind of crying that can actually peel your skin off), and suddenly my 3yo is kicking the door, shouting "Mummy, what are you doing? Can I have a cookie? And watch TV? And (insert any other nag you can think of here)?" and I'm screaming "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GO AWAY AND LET ME HAVE THIRTY SECONDS ALONE!"
You know what? It's four years later, and every single one of us is still alive! I consider that quite an achievement.
I have never heard of 'Go, Diego, Go!', but if it gets you a little peace, it's worth it.