Tuesday, December 16, 2008


Yesterday, I had an epifi-…effifin…epifan… made a realization, and it went like this: Holy @*&^@, Christmas is NEXT WEEK?!?!

That’s right folks, you heard it here first! Christmas is in fact next week.

As Dog is my witness, I had somehow convinced myself that it was still three weeks away.

I was convinced of this even though I know that Friday is the last day of school for the Denizens. And that they have two (2) weeks off, one for Christmas and one for New Year’s. Not to be confused with, say, three (3) weeks off before Christmas. Or five weeks off, two before, week of, and two after. Week of, and week after. Period. Starting next week.

I remained unshaken in this belief even though I have been making plans for all the assorted darting around we’re doing because of Christmas next week.

I maintained oblivion even though I not only own a calendar, but use the damned thing DAILY…I just…sort of…I don’t know. Convinced myself that this is not the Christmas you are looking for, and then I moved along.

And then yesterday while I was nervously fidgeting at the chiropractor’s office, I found myself fixated on the calendar hanging on the wall across from me.

Let’s see (she said to herself, trying not to think about the fact that the dude was about to come in there and manhandle a back that feels broken as it is, are we sure this is a good idea?)…there’s today, that’s the fifteenth, gracious me how time flies…soooooo, Friday is the nineteenth, uh-huh, surely is, now, I’m going to need to fit in a {shudder} shopping trip to Modesto between now and Christmas…not today obviously, not tomorrow, hmm, not this week I guess, so I suppose I could do that next week Wedn-HOLY CRAP, THAT’S CHRISTMAS EVE?!?!?!


Which, unlike the word that first popped to mind upon having it, does not have an ‘f’ in it.

I am making time for the stupid shopping trip tomorrow. I do not actually have the time, so I am hoping that I actually do have magic powers over the space-time continuum and can shove about three extra days into this week.

So. Just FYI: Christmas is next week.

You might want to pass it on, in case somebody you know is also an idiot date-challenged.


twistle said...

me too - only I'm still in denial...

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, so you're saying that I have a week-and-a-bit to finish the scarf and the second sock and the size 16 month sweater (not started)? Are you sure?

Anonymous said...

Not to worry, you're not the only one having this issue... Despite the fact that my eldest child's birthday is nine days before Christmas and has been for the past 12 years it wasn't until I was frosting her cake this afternoon that it sunk in for me. Talk about a #*@! moment.

Trina said...

Um.... but I still have 18 knitting days left, Right? I need 18... there must be 18. Crap. Thats another year of balls and patterns in bags for people isn't it?

Hmm... If I'm off work on Friday too and I don't see friend X until the 29th and... I'll work it out!

Moorecat said...

I did the same thing today. Was shopping on a website which had a little countdown thingy on the side: 8 days until Christmas.

"Hah!" I thought, "That's broken; they must mean 18 days!"

Um. Nuh-uh.



Unknown said...

And my tree is still not up. However, I have a secret plan, my DC and DGC won't be here until Jan. 1, so I have time.

It's really hard for me to get in the Christmas spirit until school is out. I either put up the tree Thanksgiving weekend, or it doesn't go up. . . .

Siercia said...

Man, I am STILL in denial. NOT READY.

Ewe-niss said...

I know - I am in the same disbelief. I did the freaking out on the 10th - now I am in the state of immovability.

I really have to sit down and figure out who's gifts I have and what I have yet to get. Let me state that my 3 teenagers are in serious need of gifts. ...don't get me started on the in-laws!

RobinH said...

Next week?! Hah! Great joke, you almost had me there. Nope, not falling for it.

Dysd Housewife said...

Dude, we are not even STARTING our shopping till paydayfriday- the 19th. HOLY CRACKER.

Anonymous said...

Glad I'm not the only one -
are you SURE it's only 7 days away?


Christi said...

Xmas is a week from today, and I'm about to be kicked out of Denial and into the land of slightly freaking out. DH hasn't done any shopping for me yet - he loves to wait until a day or two before. I'm mostly in the same boat. He's lucky I had an epiphany of my own today, or he'd be getting a 12-pack of tube socks under the tree.

Every year for the past 10, I've sworn up and down that next year, I wouldn't wait until the last minute. Which is why last night we were at the mall at 8:30. No idea who we were buying for, and the gift cards were still at home. In the end, we didn't buy anything.

ccr in MA said...

This year is SO not the Christmas I am looking for. Thanks for giving me a much-needed laugh.

gartlande said...

I KNOW!! Somebody put Christmas too close to turkey day this year and it is just wrong. So, I plan on pretending that did not just happen, and have my Christmas the following week , where it is supposed to be! Think anyone will notice?

Anonymous said...

Are you serious? I think you must have your dates wrong because we still have like 2 more weeks. . .right?

zenren said...

just wanted to say I really enjoy your blog.