Monday, September 29, 2008

You do help, so very much

I’ve said it before and I will say it again: I have the best blog readers in the world.

Some bloggers talk about having to weed through the comments they get, making sure they keep the nasty trolls quiet. Or they complain about mean, judgmental remarks made whenever they expose their pain… “well, if you hadn’t done this, if you were better at that, and besides you’re just STUPID anyway…”

You guys always lift me up. Your suggestions are always sound and your comments so very kind…even if you’re giving me a scolding, it’s never mean. (About always, it’s well-deserved…) (although sometimes I’m not ready to accept that right at the time…)

Yesterday, I told the girls about this weekend. That they wouldn’t be going to school Friday, that Uncle Greg would be coming to watch them Thursday night and that Daddy and I would be going to Los Angeles until Sunday.

It was a little eerie. Usually when we say we’re going to LA without them, they start with the pestering. Are you going to Disneyland, are you going to see Grandma, why can’t we come, could I come, I’ll be good…

They said nothing. They just sat there, waiting.

They knew.

We grownups get this crazy idea that our little ones go through their lives blissfully ignorant of the trials and tribulations of their caretakers. What baloney. I always knew when my parents were stressed out, even though they never once argued in my presence, or shouted at each other, or burst into tears in front of me.

I think I saw my dad cry maybe twice, in my entire life…and my mother not much more often than that.

But I still knew when times were rough. Maybe mom wasn’t singing as she went about her chores, or dad wasn’t quite as focused as usual as we sat down for our evening ritual…he’d get a beer or Scotch and a bowl of peanuts, I’d get a soda (if I could con mom into it) or maybe some milk, and we’d play cribbage while mom finished making dinner.

Why I think my children would be any different is beyond me.

So I told them what happened, and how. They pressed their warm little bodies against me, hugged me, showered me with kisses. They comforted me, and made wild promises of all kinds of extremely good behavior, now and forever. And yes, they’d be good for Uncle Greg, and help him, and not be horrible.

I’m so blessed.

Thank you, all of you. My in-real-life friends who so quickly offered their help, my family who have called and also offered to sacrifice all kinds of plans for our sake, my readers who have put up with blog-silence and self-absorbed whining, and reached out with sympathy and good, meaningful advice.

You drive the shadows away, you really do. Depression and pessimism might like to get a foothold right now, but they just can’t…not with your lights shining into my life.

You’re better than a whole pharmacy worth of anti-depressants, or years on a therapist’s couch.

Thank you so much…and may what you’ve given me be returned to you, a thousand-fold.

6 comments:

lucky knitter said...

I think that was the sweetest post I have ever read! Good luck on your trip, and I'm sorry for your loss.

Steph B said...

Sweetie, we're all in the same boat (or have been). Life is hard; what are friends for - even cyber-friends - if not to help hold you up? Make sure you take care of yourself right now, okay?

candi said...

Reading yesterday's post was like looking in a mirror. You captured what my life has been like for the last several months, and knowing it was YOUR life and not mine just broke my heart. No one should have to have so much **** fall on them at once. You are in my prayers, and I pray that God will lift you out of this place and put you on a better path. I hope your time away with your husband will help you both to be better able to cope with things as they are until they can be as you want.

Mama Mara said...

Blogging is great medicine! And believe me, you help all of us, every time you post, so the feeling is very, very mutual.

RM Kahn said...

Uncle Greg has but to call for aid and we'll come riding to his rescue! Big hugs to you all!

Science PhD Mom said...

Sometimes it's easy to forget that there are a whole host of other people out there who are dealing with the same pain, the same stress, the same job woes. We are all here to commiserate and empathize with you, because in the end it is how we treat others that really dignifies our lives. Reading your blog is a breath of fresh air for us, so if comments provide some small solace, then I am glad, at least, for my small part. Take it easy on your trip and celebrate that young lady's life as she deserves, swings from sadness to happy remembrances and all.