Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Well, it’s spinning, all right…

I have spent most of today trying to find a positive spin to put on the last four days.

I, uh, well. I’ve got nothing, really. It was a rotten long weekend, and there just isn’t any way I can find to make it funny.

Friday morning I got up a little irritable because, to be brutally frank, my income lately has stunk like last week’s compost materials. The income in the ‘actually received’ column, anyway. Tons in the ‘coming soon’ column, but in terms of ‘actually received’…not so good.

But hey. You know. You get a cup of coffee and what do you do? You do your thing! Get through the work so you can get to the invoice which results in the income which makes the bank happy about all those checks you need to write!

Pretty basic stuff.

So I rolled up my sleeves and got to work, chasing down my contacts and working on getting that magic “ok, do it!” I needed from most of them.

Clients are quick to say, “Wow, that would be awesome!” but really, really slow to add the all-important, “…and also, we agree to pay for it!”

Well. By Friday afternoon, I was down to only one remaining client with ‘coming soon’ income for me. I hadn’t heard back from them with particulars on what it was they said they had for me to do but hey! Last week they had said, in as many words, “We have some things for you to do.”

Practically a done deal, right? It’s there, and I’m here, so I’ll just send a quick reminder that hey – I’m here, just send me the details and I’ll get’er’done! (And get’me’paid, yeehaw!)

So I went off to collect Captain Adventure from his afternoon program and came home and checked email and…you can guess what.

Yeah. Go ahead and make the total in the ‘coming soon’ income column $0.

Essentially…I got the self-employed version of a pink slip Friday. Nice.

Oh-oh-oh! And the cherry on the Disappointment Sundae (Friday)? When I picked up Captain Adventure from his before/after school program, I had to pay his tuition for September. All $750 of it.


Granted, I’m only three month into things and, this being my third go-round with Employment of Self, I know full well that these things happen and all. I suppose what has got my knickers in a twist isn’t so much that I’m (ahem) between projects as the fact that 75% of what I lost was something I had considered a sure thing.

You’d think I’d know better. But then again, I believe the fact that I never learn is likewise pretty well documented, eh?

Oh well. It’s going to be an interesting month, I suppose…I’m going to have to Do Something, one way or another, PDQ.

Do I drop a few prescriptions, programs and therapies? Or put on my big girl panties and take one of the not-so-appealing choices that involve a lengthy daily commute for a while?

Lots of angst…not a lot of answers.

A lot of spin for sure, though, which I’ve noted is tons of movement but no actual progress.

Just…spinning. Around and around and around. Facing forward, facing back, looking left and looking right.

A necessary part of the progress, I suppose, but mighty irritating nonetheless.

Also, it makes me a little queasy.

I vastly prefer to just keep going…onward!

…and I would…if I could just pick a frickin’ direction


Anonymous said...

Whoa. What a disappointment (to put it mildly!). And $750 a month for partial days? That is unreal! No wonder you're freaking out. I'll say a prayer for you.....

Anonymous said...

Ugh. I have no wise words to stop your spinning, but I hope that you get to a settled place soon. Maybe just a deadline for when you'll decide is all you need to start. Good luck; I'll be thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there! You're in my thoughts and prayers.

21stCenturyMom said...

Here's a friendly reminder. When you tighted your belt and live on 1 income you do pretty well. When you take a commuting job your life becomes kind of hard to live. That's my recollection, anyhow. I say go back to budgeting for the 1 income and enjoy any self employed work you get as a bonus.

In the mean time maybe you can mow through that yarn stash making lovely things to sell on Etsy? Christmas is coming, after all.

Anonymous said...

Sending good (lucky) thoughts and wishes your way!