Sunday, November 25, 2007

I don’t know how to take this

We are still working on our master bathroom; we can use the tub and we have sinks and (arguably most importantly) a toilet.

What we are still lacking is a functioning shower and…mirrors.

We are fresh out of ways to stare at ourselves, in our ‘master suite’.

So this morning I got up and put on clothes and brushed my hair and so forth without any kind of visual guide, as it were, to my actual appearance (this becomes important later).

Then I went downstairs and made coffee and we got started with the day and all that.

A few hours later (!!!), I got my first glimpse of myself in a mirror.

I looked like…I don’t know what I looked like. Some kind of…sub-human deranged lunatic who after about eleven years of no sleep (my bottom eyelids could be used as sleeping bags) had just escaped the mental ward by braiding an escape rope out of her hair (leaving a strange ragged lunatic fringe on the sides) digging a tunnel with her teeth (I don’t want to know what IT was between those bucky monsters down front), and then attempted to assimilate into society by tucking half her shirt into her pants while leaving the other half dangling out a-la some kind of hip-hop-rap-stah look.

Good.
Grief.

My exclamation of shock and horror (“Oh my GAWD I look positively DEEEEE-RANGED!”) caught the attention of my husband, who glanced me up and down and then said, and I quote, “What?”

What? WHAT? What do you mean, “What”?!

Do you not see what is standing right in front of you?!

And then he says, matter-of-factly, “You look just like you always do – I don’t see what’s freaking you out.”

I…really don’t know how to take that. As much as I’d like to translate this to mean, You are so gorgeous that even when looking like a deranged escapee from a mental ward, you look great, I’m afraid it is probably more like, You have looked like a deranged escapee from a mental ward for so long, I have forgotten you could look any other way.

People, I need mirrors in my bathroom, and I need them yesterday - before somebody tries to put me back in the ward with my very own padded room.

10 comments:

Rabbitch said...

You just made me snort out loud at work. Thank you.

And hey, maybe that look works for you.

Siercia said...

Well, if it was my husband making the comment to me, I'd pretty well know that it was that second one. Here's hoping it was not so for you!

MadMad said...

Ha! I put my makeup on in the dark most days, and ... well, you can tell, if you want to know the truth. Luckily, I don't have many mirrors around to show me the error of my ways, so I can just imagine things are fine and dandy.

Oh, and I'm coming back with the printer for that orange merengue pie - it sounds awesome! I'd never heard of one before, but now that I have, I can't imagine why not? It sounds delicious!

eclair said...

I'm already living in a madhouse. My own padded room sounds kind of peaceful right now.

PipneyJane said...

Yes, but wouldn't you enjoy the peace and quiet of the padded cell? Particularly if they let you have your knitting?

Husbands are programmed to offer compliments even if they haven't a clue. Mine told me I looked really nice this morning in my suit, without having actually opened an eye to look at me (I asked him about my sweater...). :o)

- Pam

Steph B said...

Hey, it beats my husband's "hmmmmmm...." - offered tentatively when I ask if something really looks okay. He might as well just tell me I look like something the cat dragged in, that "hmmmm" doesn't soften it a bit.

Moira said...

Okay I think your hubby was saying that no matter what you look like he sees the inner beauty that is you.... :) or he is being his normal self and really just didn't notice what you looked like... :) which aruguably could mean that he only does see the inner beauty!

Kristin said...

I have mirrors and I think it's better to be in the dark. It's pretty dreadful to look right at the mental patient escapee and realize that's the best you can do.

Yarnhog said...

That husband-comment is SO not cool. It ranks right up there with the first words out of my husband's mouth after I delivered our second son: "Hey, that wasn't hard at all!" They should really have Cliff's Notes, or something.

terena said...

LOL! So it's not just MY husband who says things like that. Let me guess... your hubby is probably wondering what he said that was so wrong. I can explain in detail why something my husband said may have not sounded so good to me and he still won't get it. Sigh...